Weird News: Masturbation Almost Killed This Guy

You'll go blind. Your palms will grow hair. You'll go to hell. You'll be unable to perform or possibly finish with another human person involved. These are the things that we generally consider as downsides of masturbation.

While some of these self-love consequences are farfetched, they don't compare to screaming death.

In an article in Salon, Ashok Rajamani was preparing for his brother's wedding ... by fiddling with his diddler. It should be noted that the man was Indian, and no one knows when he may have had another chance to explore, given the length of those nuptials.

Things went as planned until the grand finale. Rather than the typical climax of flower petals and orchestral overtures, this one was a full-blown destruction of Alderaan in his brain.

As the old wives' tale goes, the lights went out for him — but he managed to get a hold of his brother on the biggest day of his life and got taken to a nearby hospital. Evidently, the problem was an Arteriovenous Malformation, so maybe the whacking wasn't 100 percent to blame.

Photo: Facebook

After the incident, Rajamani had to go through a long recovery process, learning how to eat, speak, and walk. He later published a memoir recounting the tale called The Day My Brain Exploded: A True Story.

In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have written off instances of bedroom numbness and tingling as just mind-blowing orgasms. Or, at worst, a mild heart attack. While this may not ever happen to you or me, it's probably good to have a medical alert bracelet or text service in place.

And even though it's not the same as autoerotic asphyxiation gone wrong, we should all save our parents the indignity of having to tell everyone at the Rotary Club that we died doing what we loved.