WHAT? The First G-Spot Was Finally Found ... In A Dead Polish Woman

It's always the last place you look.

According to UPI, a fellow named Dr. Adam Ostrzenski used the body of an 83-year-old Polish lady to discover the existence of the Holy Grail: the G-spot. Did we mention that the Polish woman is also a cadaver?

The existence of the Grafenburg Spot, a highly sensitive "spongy" area located the vagina and urethra, has been hotly contested by scientists, sexologists and anyone who hasn't had a girlfriend who could orgasm from insertion-only sex.

UPI refers to Dr. Ostrzenski as a semi-retired gynecologist even though we all know there's no such thing as ex-gynecologist — only ones who do their speculum work pro-bono. The article goes on to say that the feel-good doctor's work was done in Poland because their laws allow for dissection very soon after death.

I'm starting to get a good picture of where all the cadavers from the Bodies Exhibit come from.

The big-money discovery by Dr. Ostzenski was a "sac structure between the fifth and sixth layers that housed grape-like clusters of erectile tissue."

Dr. Ostzenski hopes the findings will be confirmed by independent research, but before they are we owe it to ourselves to do some due diligence on this deceased Pole's sex life. Have they spoken with friend and neighbors? Does she have an old diary we can look through? Is there evidence that she had a decades-long affair with August Zaleski?

If she abhorred penetrative sex and really could only get off when she was being yelled at by a man in a pith helmet, we should consider going back to the drawing board.

There are some detractors to Dr. Ostzenski's study. Some say that the G-spot isn't a single thing but a bunch of things, making one wonder if they should rename it the G-vicinity. Other detractors claim the G-spot is an extension of the clitoris.

And yet, other detractors still claim that the female orgasm is entirely a myth used as part of some Machiavellian scheme concocted by the feminist movement, big pharma, and the Rothschild family.

I suppose 30 years ago this would've been an appropriate place to insert a joke deriding the alleged lower intelligence of the Polish. I'm glad we're nicer now.