What To Do When You're Ready For Marriage - But Your Partner Is Not

You are in a committed love relationship and thinking about marriage. Even if you and your partner haven't been together all that long, you may feel — from deep inside — it's right and this is the "one" for you. Or, you and your partner have been together for a significant time, and you keep wondering if you'll ever take the next step and get married.

If you would like to be married and feel ready, it might be difficult to understand the hesitation or apparent disinterest your love expresses. You might be taking it personally too.

If so, we urge you to stop taking it personally and go for honesty instead.

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Here's what to do when you're ready for marriage - but your partner is not.

1. Be honest with yourself

Take the time to be very honest with yourself. Before you talk with your partner about their intentions for your relationship, be sure you know how you feel and what you want.

2. Ask yourself questions like these

• "How much of a priority is it for me to get married?"
• "What is my preferred time frame for getting married?"
• "How flexible am I willing to be about this?"
• "What are my reasons for wanting to get married?"
• "Are there other ways to fulfill my relationship needs even if we don't get married (now or ever)?"
• "What do I actually know—with certainty—about my partner's intentions for our relationship?"
• "What do I actually know—with certainty—about my partner's attitudes toward marriage?"

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3. What you find when you answer these questions honestly might surprise you.

It could be your urgency for getting married has more to do with what your family and friends are pushing you to do and less with your desires, for example. You might be more (or less) flexible about when you want to get married than you previously believed.

It might also be that you are mostly making up your partner's aversion to marriage — there may not be tangible proof they are anti-marriage.

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4. Be honest with your partner

With your clearer and more accurate understanding of your situation and desires, now it's time to talk with your partner. As you communicate, approach the topic of marriage with a sense of openness, gentleness, and love.

You could let your partner know you've been thinking about the future and wondering what that will look like for the two of you. Depending on how strongly you feel about this, you can even let your partner know that you are exploring options and would like to know how they feel about marriage and about the two of you possibly getting married one day.

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Marriage feels like a huge step for a lot of people

Particularly for those who have experienced divorce in the past in their own lives or the lives of people close to them. The idea of marriage can seem like a path to eventual unavoidable heartbreak.

Others believe marriage will put a serious damper on love and excitement in the relationship. We've all heard phrases like, "ball and chain" to refer to one's spouse. There seems to be no end to negative connotations with the idea of marriage. It's no wonder that some people avoid marriage (or even think and talk about it)!

If getting married within a certain period of time is something you are firm on, be honest about this. You don't have to make a threat or set an ultimatum, but be upfront about how flexible (or not) you are on the subject and time frame.

Listen closely to what your partner says in response. Try to listen and understand where they are coming from and what your partner wants.

If you are willing to be flexible, you can create agreements about your next step together.

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Susie and Otto Collins are Certified Transformative Coaches who help awaken love and possibilities in your life.