How To End An Engagement

You probably know if you need to end your engagement. You're fighting all the time. You never agree anymore. You spend too much time apart. When you aren't together, neither of you seems to miss the other much. You've just lost the spark.

It's time to end things, and you're the one who will be doing it. This is not a fun situation for either party involved, but there are some specific etiquette ideas to keep in mind when your engagement is at its end. Make the split as painless and possible. Here's how.

1. Be honest. This is not the time to lie about why you want the split. Odds are, he already knows. You won't spare his feelings by sugar-coating the situation, so communicate effectively and tell him how you feel.  "We don't want the same things anymore" works better than "I'm not ready to get married just yet." Be honest, because that way you will both understand where your differences lie and the breakup will come without all the loose ends and unresolved issues. How To Be Honest, The Right Way

2. Avoid clichés. "Let's still be friends." "It's not you, it's me." "I just need space." No one wants to hear any of these lines uttered at the end of an engagement for several reasons. Firstly, they probably aren't true. Odds are you won't stay friends, you'll both need to move on. It's not that you need space, there is a genuine problem. And it isn't just you. It takes two to tango, and two to fall apart. You get the picture. Also, he deserves an explanation behind your reasoning, not an overused generalization.

3. Do it privately. Make sure this conversation happens when it is just the two of you. Breaking an engagement can illicit some pretty emotional reactions, so avoid a full-on scene by speaking in private. You'll make an uncomfortable situation even more awkward when he starts crying and begging you not to leave in the middle of a crowded restaurant. You don't want to be in a fishbowl for one of most difficult conversations of your life.

4. Be nice. Remember no matter what has happened between you two, this is going to be hard. It's not the time to bring up your grievances over his past actions. Don't scold him for always leaving his bath towel on the floor or never thanking your mother when she comes over to take the dog out. Little things do matter, but this conversation should not include a laundry list of faults. Be kind.

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5. Give the ring back. If you're the one doing the ditching, it's only right that you return the ring. Engagement rings can cost small fortunes, so if you are advocating the split then you also have to deal with the consequences. We know it's pretty and sparkly and all perfect-looking, but do the right thing and give it back. Who Invented Engagement Rings, Anyway?

Now that you know what to do, it's time for the hard part. Keep these tips in mind and remember that despite how it feels now, it really is for the best. In the long run, you'll both win.