Community: Why Women Like Nice Guys

Monica was this hot mama sex goddess I used to work with servingcocktails in college.  Slinky as a feline, she was nearly six feet tallwith curves galore.  She had flawless skin, a magnificent,traffic-stopping face and a personality as colorful as the Bobbi Browneye shadow she used to drop the cherry on the sundae of her magneticappeal.  Monica was ravishing enough to date famous athletes,businessmen pulling down six figures and local actors on their way tobecoming Hollywood B-listers.  If anyone would’ve ended up sippingdaiquiris by the pool of some handsome millionaire’s mansion, it wasMonica.

Recently, Monica popped up as a friend of a friend on Facebook, so Iclicked on her page.  She was gorgeous as ever and though I wasn’tshocked to discover she hadn’t become some Tinseltown trophy wife, I wassurprised to see photos of the man she married.  The guy was goofylooking, a squat little pudgeball.  And no Mr. Moneybags was he, asMonica’s other half apparently lived a quiet though comfortable life asthe owner of a small electronics company.  But there was one hugedifference about the look in her husband’s eye as he cast his gaze uponmy old friend, as opposed to the more extraordinary men I’d once seenher with – this guy completely worshipped her. Love Bytes: Why Nice Guys Have Less Sex

Monica is one of a slew of foxy female friends who used to date badboys, sexy studs and all around pricks until they finally settled downwith a man who actually liked them.  Maybe these guys don’t look likemovie stars or take their women on masochistic joy rides filled withbroken promises and non-commitment.  But they do treat their gals withsome semblance of respect.  Seems some good guys get the girl in theend. Why Nice Guys Suck

This week, the University of Nottingham in the UK proved it byreleasing a study on the qualities women value in potential mates.  Theresearch suggests ladies used to dig grit and brawn because men neededto feed and defend the brood.  Nowadays, characteristics like“selflessness and empathy” are valued because women want men who willtake an active and caring role in raising children.  I wouldn’t besurprised if our desire to have relationships rooted in mutualunderstanding and kindness had something to do with what lures us, aswell. 

The best news is these nice guys aren’t faking it.  The qualities are now part of their genetic makeup.  Score. Why Do Nice Guys Finish Last?

I’m starting to get it.  Man, it’s taken me a while, but finallysomething meaningful has clicked.  I’ve spent years pining for the“magic” of edgier dudes, the fantastic dramas their childishself-absorption wreaks in relationships, the post-rejection desperation Iconfused for love.

Then along came a man who was able to tear his gaze away from his ownreflection long enough to notice me.  A man who cared about and evenwanted to meet my needs.  A man who was just plain nice to me.  Thesense of wellbeing I felt sharing his life, after years of being anafterthought to other dudes, was like touching solid ground after aten-hour flight through a hailstorm.  And lucky me, he also happened tobe one of the sexiest men I’d met in ages.

When a guy’s the center of his own universe, any lady friend may havetrouble finding a cozy place in which to fit alongside him.  As I getolder, I notice lots of the sexy flake dudes I’ve known are eitherhopelessly single or in tragically dysfunctional romances rife withinfidelity and confidence-killing cruelty.  Nice guys, at least thosewith some depth, don’t offer relationships devoid of theatrics andchallenges.  They just consider it part and parcel to relating and don’trush out into the world feeding their own egos with bullshit.

And for that, they totally deserve to get the girl.

**Reprinted from Laura K. Warrell's blog Tart&Soul at www.TartandSoul.com.