First Date Advice: 5 Things Men Shouldn't Wear

We like men to be individuals, but there is some first date fashion advice men need to hear. Here are the five things a man should never wear on a date (or ever, probably):

1. Khakis
Is there any garment that exudes less sex appeal than shapeless khakis? Pleated or baggy, tan or olive, belted or not, these are a lost cause—there's no saving the beige monstrosities. They lack the casual cool of denim and the polish of dress pants, leaving them stuck precisely where they belong: the middle school dance.

2. Joke Tees
You're with stupid? If you're wearing a T-shirt with that message emblazoned next to a finger pointing to the person to your left... we're sorry to break it to you, but it looks like we're with stupid. Listen, we're not uptight. We'll joke around with your buddies and laugh at your poop jokes and make a few of our own—but that doesn't mean we need to see them on a t-shirt. Not all message tees are off-limits, of course (we love Threadless, too!)... just the bad ones. If you bought it at a store that also sells bongs and blacklight posters, it's no good. If it features Playboy-esque silhouettes in a variety of sexual positions, toss it. If it says "FBI: Female Body Inspector," go back to that t-shirt cart at the mall in 1998 and ask yourself where things went wrong for you.

3. Too-Short Pants
Ill-fitting clothes don't look good on anyone, but there's a special place in fashion hell for pants that are too short. Why? They're the "eh, these will do" mumu of men's clothing, signaling not a bad sense of style, but the lack of willingness to even try: too-short pants are not like pants that are too baggy or too tight, which (we know) can seem to happen overnight with a little weight gain or loss. Short pants were too short in the dressing room and they were too short when you bought them and they'll be too short with your dress shoes and your sneakers. So just don't. What Your Clothes Say About Your Love Life

4. Turtlenecks
Unless you are, at that exact moment, skiing or modeling for a Lands' End catalog—no. And a definite no for date night. Practical considerations/excuses aside (They're warm and cozy, you say?! So are Snuggies.), men look silly in turtlenecks. There's a reason the basic turtleneck hasn't evolved over the years: it's because designers have given up. There's no way to make them look good. Not convinced? Picture hooking up with a turtleneck on. Now picture things getting a little hot and heavy. Now picture what you must look like to your date as, half-undressed, you brace yourself against the wall to get out of your cotton choke-hold.

5. Tighty-Whities
Boxer-briefs: fantastic. Boxers: can be cute! Tight, white briefs: it is not 1983, you are not Tom Cruise, and we are not on the set of Risky Business. If you've gotten her back to your place, don't kill it by dropping your pants to reveal blindingly white, alarmingly tight undies. Need convincing? Two words: skid marks. Now, we're not accusing anyone of anything, but if there's even a fraction of a chance that they may somehow, unbeknownst to you, end up there, ever, that is reason enough never to don white briefs. Vattoos: The New Vajazzling?

Agree/disagree? Is there an article of clothing we missed? Tell us in the comments below.

We like men to be individuals, but there is some first date fashion advice men need to hear. Here are the five things a man should never wear on a date (or ever, probably):

1. Khakis
Is there any garment that exudes less sex appeal than shapeless khakis? Pleated or baggy, tan or olive, belted or not, these are a lost cause—there's no saving the beige monstrosities. They lack the casual cool of denim and the polish of dress pants, leaving them stuck precisely where they belong: the middle school dance.

2. Joke Tees
You're with stupid? If you're wearing a T-shirt with that message emblazoned next to a finger pointing to the person to your left... we're sorry to break it to you, but it looks like we're with stupid. Listen, we're not uptight. We'll joke around with your buddies and laugh at your poop jokes and make a few of our own—but that doesn't mean we need to see them on a t-shirt. Not all message tees are off-limits, of course (we love Threadless, too!)... just the bad ones. If you bought it at a store that also sells bongs and blacklight posters, it's no good. If it features Playboy-esque silhouettes in a variety of sexual positions, toss it. If it says "FBI: Female Body Inspector," go back to that t-shirt cart at the mall in 1998 and ask yourself where things went wrong for you.

3. Too-Short Pants
Ill-fitting clothes don't look good on anyone, but there's a special place in fashion hell for pants that are too short. Why? They're the "eh, these will do" mumu of men's clothing, signaling not a bad sense of style, but the lack of willingness to even try: too-short pants are not like pants that are too baggy or too tight, which (we know) can seem to happen overnight with a little weight gain or loss. Short pants were too short in the dressing room and they were too short when you bought them and they'll be too short with your dress shoes and your sneakers. So just don't. What Your Clothes Say About Your Love Life

4. Turtlenecks
Unless you are, at that exact moment, skiing or modeling for a Lands' End catalog—no. And a definite no for date night. Practical considerations/excuses aside (They're warm and cozy, you say?! So are Snuggies.), men look silly in turtlenecks. There's a reason the basic turtleneck hasn't evolved over the years: it's because designers have given up. There's no way to make them look good. Not convinced? Picture hooking up with a turtleneck on. Now picture things getting a little hot and heavy. Now picture what you must look like to your date as, half-undressed, you brace yourself against the wall to get out of your cotton choke-hold.

5. Tighty-Whities
Boxer-briefs: fantastic. Boxers: can be cute! Tight, white briefs: it is not 1983, you are not Tom Cruise, and we are not on the set of Risky Business. If you've gotten her back to your place, don't kill it by dropping your pants to reveal blindingly white, alarmingly tight undies. Need convincing? Two words: skid marks. Now, we're not accusing anyone of anything, but if there's even a fraction of a chance that they may somehow, unbeknownst to you, end up there, ever, that is reason enough never to don white briefs. Vattoos: The New Vajazzling?

Agree/disagree? Is there an article of clothing we missed? Tell us in the comments below.