4 Mistakes To Avoid When Getting Dumped

My very first column for Lemondrop was about the various methods I've used to reject women over the course of my adult lifetime. I've used carefully nicknamed techniques and others over the years (perhaps in a later column I'll divulge my patented "It's Not You, It's Carl Weathers" brush off), and I've also been rejected by countless women in countless ways in turn. Really, there's no good way to dump somebody. Lemondrop: Books For The Dumped

But as I've gotten older? I've realized there are ways to be a good dumpee.

We all have a touch of Single White Female about us, that desire to say, "No, Bridget Fonda, you will love me!" Acting like a psychopath from time to time is pretty much unavoidable when it comes to trying to get in the pants and heart of another human. The thing is, it actually hurts worse when you do nutty things in the name of love and get rejected anyway. Lemondrop: 5 Tips To Surviving A Breakup, From Angst Expert Molly Ringwald

So now—in this season of heat-induced romances that flame out as intensely as they once flamed—here are some mistakes to avoid to help you become the Jennifer Jason Leigh of your breakups and achieve a little Rejection Grace:

Mistake #1: Believing You Just Lost The One
You know how I know that dude who hasn't called you in a week wasn't The One? Because The One would really like you, which means not losing your cell phone number or making some vague catchall excuse about being "out of town a lot this summer." Look, it's over, and this person who you had an amazing connection with is just no longer interested. I know that sometimes things feel so right and you just can't accept that it's one-sided, because you both cried during "How to Disappear Completely" at the outdoor Radiohead concert.

Written by [Redacted Guy] for Lemondrop