6 Ways To Instantly - And We Mean INSTANTLY - Turn A Woman Off
Sometimes, those "brilliant" pickup moves don't go as planned.
Most of the time, our content here at YourTango is about moving things in the right direction, and celebrating the positive. This time around, I'd like to focus on the negative. Perhaps you can use this as a cautionary tale.
In the world of picking up and bedding lots of luscious ladies, a technique called peacocking is often employed. In much the same way that a male peacock uses his colorful (some say engorged) plumage to attract a mate, a young fellow can wear an article of clothing in order to attract the eyeballs and interest of a young lady. Unfortunately, most of the time, such attempts at attraction somehow reverse polarity and land a guy firmly on a team I like to call The Unf*ckables. Which attempts at eye-catching plumage should you avoid?
1. Absurd facial hair. A goofy 'stache is a sure way to get turned down if you're extending an invitation for a mustache ride. See these gentlemen below.
2. Lame t-shirts. I get it. Your face is manly and your crank is legendary because of its size and utility. That thwack we hear is the nation's underwear hitting the floor. But a trucker hat emblazoned with "Amateur Gynecologist" probably won't give you much of a chance to show off your bedside manner. Let Bruce McCulloch explain.
3. Eating lots and lots. In college, I once ate seven 8-ounce cuts of prime rib on a gentleman's wager. My body was radiating red meat heat for days. Being able to slam 100 wings in one sitting is impressive, but also a lady force field; something about sweating Buffalo sauce is just gross. Watch these bros and try NOT to get turned on.
4. Overdoing the innuendo. Everyone who's not a prude likes a good sex joke here and there. Plus, a little bit of sexually-charged repartee can build a dynamite bridge from flirting to full-on carnal knowledge. But if your game would make Spinal Tap blush, dial it back a micron or twain. Enjoy watching Steve Carell dance around the line.
5. Age-inappropriate hairdonts. If you have a Justin Bieber and you're 36, that's not reasonable. It works in the other direction, too. If you're 22 and you have a 55-year-old man's receding hairline, or MPB, you may have to rethink your 'do.' Enjoy the following age-inappropriate haircut, WITH the special bonus of using bronzer (not safe for the workplace).
6. Showing off skillz. Napoleon Dynamite says that women like dudes with skills, and I'm not arguing the veracity of that statement, but using certain skills does not a proper pickup make. Bar ninjitsu, parking lot parkour and bad magic tricks have too high a probability of going wrong.
Obviously, some nice-looking and possibly worthwhile ladies go for all of the above, which necessitates sites like HotChicksWithD-bags (please notice the number of mixed martial arts-related t-shirts). But still.
Hit us up with other can't-miss ways to scare the ladies away, so people can do the opposite.