25 Really Bad Excuses To Call Him

Occasionally, he hasa good reason for not calling you back. Generally, the reason involves lycanthropy, alien abduction or the velociraptor flu. But, for the most part, things must not be working if he's not calling. Sometimes, you really just need to talk after a breakup, irrespective of who initiated it. If you absolutely can't help but call him, here are 25 ways that you do not want to start that desperate phone call (please finish all of them with "can we get back together now?"):

1. I was just crunching chips loudly and thought you might've called…
2. I sniffed one of your undershirts and thought I'd call…
3. I wanted to see if you'd pick up the phone…
4. I slept with a guy who looks a lot like you. Wanna cuddle?...
5. I had a dream about spending time with you; I'm hoping it was real…
6. I thought I saw a mouse…
7. I was just watching/ reading/ listening to that thing you like…
8. I just wanted to say something about your Facebook status…
9. I was just about to post something on Don't Date Him and thought I'd call and confirm a few things…
10. I saw a birthday present and, well, it was so perfect I had to get it for you…
11. I just thought of the perfect person for you to go out with…
12. I got my braces off…
13. I got a new phone. It's the same number, but I thought you may have called during the switchover…
14. I just joined a gym…
15. I was gonna ask if it would be weird if your mom and I had lunch…
16. I am sooo horny…
17. I am sooo drunk…
18. Your email address seems to have bounced; do you have a new one?...
19. Why aren't we friends on Facebook anymore?...
20. I just wanted you to know that this bitch you're dating is a real bitch...
21. I may be pregnant; it's probably not yours…
22. I just got back a clean STD test…
23. Do you remember that time we [describe sexual act]?...
24. I just got a [name the electronic gizmo]; can you set it up for me?...
25. I got two tickets for the Kiss concert tonight...

Please feel free to add your own in the comments...