Meet The Man With The Biggest Penis In The World

When our eyes feasted on The Daily Show segment featuring Jonah Falcon, an unemployed actor with a 13.5-inch penis, we too wanted to sink our fangs (not like that) into the story. The man with one of the largest (recorded) packages in the world? (Sorry, not you Justin Bieber, but you may be a close second.) Yes, please!

But, strictly for research purposes, of course. After all, we spend a significant amount of time debating the dubious benefits of size and wanted to chat girlfriend-style about the member likely resting on the inside of his thigh, not too far from his knee. 

So we set up an online Q and A with Jonah Falcon, poured a round of mojitos, pulled up a chair and prepared ourselves for a salacious tell-all. What do people say? Give us examples! Stories! What's it like? Is it uncomfortable? Any complaints? Compliments? Are you really bisexual? 

While it's true he starred in a 1999 documentary Private Dicks: Men Exposed that started it all, has been profiled for Rolling Stone, and Out (where he told the reporter he was bisexual) and numerous other media outlets all gasping in wonder at his genetic marvel, it was soon apparent this out-of-work middle-age guy had grown tired of being the media's dancing monkey.

What he really wants to do is get his acting career off the ground. Serious acting. Not the kind of work involving a pizza delivery boy and lubricant. Falcon has bluntly declined pornography suggestions because he wants to be taken seriously, and was reportedly a bit stung when overlooked for the role in HBO's series Hung about a male escort with similar below-the-belt gifts. 

Here's what we learned from a little chat with Jonah Falcon.

1. Are you living at home while looking for acting work?

I moved back, partly because I am unemployed, and chiefly because I'm taking care of a sick family member. When I'm re-employed, we'll be hiring a healthcare professional.

2. If you don't have an interest in doing porn, why talk about your penis size?

Just something that happened and steam-rolled since 1999.

3. Do all these media ventures help with your acting/blogging career?

They get hits, certainly.

4. Is it true you consider yourself bisexual? If so, what are the differences in how men and women react to your size?

I don't discuss my sex habits. Men, straight and gay, tend to be more direct and eager to see it. Women tend to be more giggly about it.

5. Any particularly rude/hilarious/flattering things lovers have said?

Just embarrassing names.

6. Do you want to share any of these names?

No.

7. Do you think it hurts/helps your love life?

Being unemployed hurts my love life. 

8. Just ballpark figure, how many date offers did you get after your appearance on The Daily Show? More from men or women?

I always get date offers from gay men. Women tend to be more circumspect.

9. What's the wackiest thing a gay man has ever said about it?

Comparisons to an elephant's trunk.

10. When did you first notice you were, um, different then other guys? 

Baseball camp when I was 18. They just noticed the massive bulge, and compared with me.

11. What are you looking for in a significant other?

My future wife will have similar interests. After years of sex, someone whom I can identify with is paramount. Geeky stuff. Sci-fi, writing, games, etc.

12. And, finally, doesn't it ever get uncomfortable? Where do you buy condoms?

No. I use XL condoms, even though they only fit half. At least there's no fluid exchange.

We've got a bonus for you, check out Samantha Bee's hilarious segment, "Jonah Falcon Needs A Job" from The Daily Show.