Community Blog: The Sassy Way To Survive The Family

What do you do when you're home for the holidays and you have to face the same old stupid questions?  The best approach is to smile and answer them sweetly. 5 Nosy-Family Survival Tips For Thanksgiving But wouldn't it be fun just once to be completely outrageous?

Stupid Question #1:  How long is it going to take you to find a good man to take care of you?

I've been trying, I really have.  I have tryouts every Friday night, but it's just impossible to find a guy who can make me come.   Plus I need more than 7 minutes of G-spot stimulation.  Do you know any guys with good endurance? Read: What Do Men Think About Going Down?

Stupid Question #2:  When are you going to get a ring on your finger?

Oh, we decided to put the engagement ring somewhere more personal.  Would you like to see it?  (Put your hand on your fly or start to lift your skirt.)

Stupid Question #3:  How do you ever have time for work and taking care of the house?

I got a boy toy last year.  He likes to be dominated, so I just dress up in leather and insult him while he cleans the house.  Afterwards he gives me a wonderful massage and I'm just so relaxed when my husband comes home.

Stupid Question #4:  What do you do all day at home?

I'm on a special weight-loss program where you masturbate five times a day.  I've lost twenty pounds!  Maybe you should try it.

Stupid Question #5:  So did you put on weight because you're married? (alternate stupid question:  because you're single)

No, I had an affair with David Letterman. We'd like to name the baby after you.

Stupid Question #6:  So when are you going to get another job?

We found we could make more money with amateur porn.  There's a huge demand for videos of middle-aged married couples.  People love our website because they know we're not exploiting the porn stars. Would you like to see it?  I have my cell phone right here. Read: Community Blog: Why Women Are Wrong About Porn

As I said, don't try this at home.