The Absolute Worst Ways To Break Up With Someone

We've never considered professional athletes to be the sharpest tools in the shed. In fact, we usually think of them as sharing more in common with two-by-fours than power saws. But even we couldn't help but be a little surprised by the sheer stupidity of this one.

Jarret Stoll, professional hockey player with the Los Angeles Kings, decided that the best way to call off his impending wedding with Rachel Hunter (model, occasional actress, and Stacy's mom) was via an email blast.

And yet, we know Stoll isn't alone. Many people who aren't even athletes break up in much dumber, more cowardly ways than this everyday. Below are just a few examples. We trust that you know better than to do any of them.

1. Changing your relationship status on Facebook

In these modern times, it's as easy to change your Facebook relationship status as it is to post new semi-clothed wall photos of yourself looking hotter than ever. But you know what else it is? Tacky. And insensitive. And one breath shy of how a professional hockey player would ditch an ex-wife of Rod Stewart's.

Please, whether starting or ending a relationship, don't ever, under any circumstances, change your Facebook status without consulting (or, in the very least, informing) the other person first. 

2. In public to avoid making a scene

This is a sad, too-often seen rookie mistake in the school of dumping. You think that if you bring so-and-so to a public place, the dumping will be easier. He or she won't make a fuss. He or she won't yell at you or cry. He or she will politely finish eating dinner or drinking the round of beer you bought and then say, "I understand."

This is what you think will happen, but more often than not, what really happens is that you come across as a bigger ass than you actually are, the person you're dumping actually does make a scene, and the two of you find yourselves sitting together awkwardly for way too long waiting for the check to arrive. 

3. In writing, via a post-it note or otherwise

On a now-famous episode of Sex and the City, Carrie finds herself being dumped by Berger, her boyfriend of several weeks, via a post-it note. Now, we understand that in many situations, it's easier to put things in writing than to say them out loud.

But when it comes to dumping, it's just not fair to go this route. In the end, you do more than take yourself out of the relationship — you take away something else that's just as bad: the other person's right to express the hurt and anger they might feel toward you for breaking their heart.

4. Having someone else do it for you

On the same episode of Sex and the City, Miranda shares a story of how one of her exes broke up with her in a manner rarely seen outside of sixth-grade classrooms: through someone else. As Miranda explains it, "I once was broken up with by a guy's doorman. 'I'm sorry Ms. Hobbs, Jonathan won't be coming down. Ever.'" Seriously, unless you're in grade school, deliver the news yourself.

5. Ghosting

A boy we know explained why this tactic is so popular amongst male daters. "Because it's easy. You just stop calling or answering the phone and your problem is solved."

We don't have to explain to you why this is stupid or why even a post-it note is a more sensitive way to cut things off. You already know. Dumping may be lousy, but it beats disappearing any day of the week.

6. Making the other person so miserable that they dump you

Some people, so afraid of delivering the dumping speech, would rather drive the other person to dump them than say the words themselves. Typical behaviors might include: cheating, berating, or yelling. It might seem tempting to go this route, particularly if you're afraid of confrontation, but keep in mind: just because you push the other person to say the words doesn't mean you're innocent.

You're actually guilty of causing more pain with this method than if you would have just said, "We're over." And the worst part? It doesn't always work. Your other half may never dump you, and the two of you will be stuck together forever in the passive-aggressive hell your relationship has become.