Know Your Guy: The Silent Assassin

For some reason, there's a tendency for "society" to "judge” people who begin "romantic" relationships at bars. We're a nation that was founded by Puritans, once outlawed alcohol altogether and regularly limit the hours that bars, clubs and pubs can ply their trade. But we do deals over Scotch, brainstorm brilliant bits of art and science on the backs cocktail napkins and our beer commercials may be the best thing on television. In short, we have alcohol schizophrenia. But, just like we can practice responsible drinking, we can also practice responsible use of the bar as a relationship launchpad (and still leave room for it as a den of sin and terpitude).

Step one of responsible mating (dating and relating too) in any environment is knowing the fauna. There's a guy in the bar scene known as the silent assassin. The silent assassin is like the cowboy hero of a spaghetti western and for him, talk is cheap.

The silent assassin can be found perched on a bar stool (or leather cube thingy that all the night clubs huddle up for bottle service) or standing amongst friends. He generally speaks when spoken to or when making a short, specific comment like, "be careful, you almost stepped on my shoe."

But isn't that what shy guys do? Yes, but the silent assassin isn't shy, he's confident, he just subscribes to Depeche Mode's philosophy that "Words are very unnecessary. They can only do harm." And he's confident that you'll make your intentions known before he makes his move.

The quiet killer has great vision. He trades verbosity for the kind of visual acuity that allows him to register, track and cross-reference any PYT that comes into his field-of-view. He notices you noticing him and registered that you noticed that that he noticed you noticing him. Meanwhile, he politely laughs as one of his buddies applies a line from a television show or film in an unintended, social setting.

But isn't not talking and using mental radar something that creeps do? Yes, yes it. But the silent assassin isn't a creep. The silent assassin is good-looking, usually tall and almost always successful and/ or highly talented. The silent assassin isn't building shrines to you in the parapet of some imaginary castle (nor a dungeon in its basement). He just likes how you look and thinks you might dig his man-of-few-words routine. Try introducing yourself to him and wait for him to buy you a drink, the silent assassin is generally quite courteous. There's no telling where it will go from there.

On the actual relationship front there is good news and bad news. The good news about the silent assassin is that he's a good listener and not one to bullshish you, the bad news is that you'll have to drag any actual dialogue out of him and he's not a huge fan of change. This strong, silent type can be yours, you just may have to do the talking for both of you. Read: Relationship Red Flags

Note: You may have to get very close to tell if he's a silent assassin or just quiet because he has a broken jaw.
Note: If someone claims to "not be a talker," they are definitely not a silent assassin.