Seriously, Wear More Eye Makeup

There are a lot of guys who like nothing better than a girl who rolls out of bed, brushes her chompers, throws on a pair of jeans and a shirt and is ready for whatever life has to throw at her. I am not one of those guys. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate that sometimes you (or I) may want to throw on a non-Red Sox cap and beeline it to the quickie mart for all the essentials (Fruit Roll-Ups, TP, ketchup, Olde English, the basics).

But, as the Bible tells us, there's a time for business and there's a time for grab-assin' around. Going out (on the town) is business time. And business time means eye makeup. (What you do at work is totally unimportant to me; you can spend 8 – 6 looking Maria Bartiromo after a tequila bender for all I care.)

If you're a frequent reader of this space (and who's to say that you're not?), you know that I'm a smidge obsessive about women's eyebrows (not dangerously obsessive but comically obsessive). But unlike eyebrows, where having a plan and sticking to it is paramount, eye makeup requires a bit more of a deft hand and eye for class. Too much makeup and you end up looking like Tipsy the drunk clown. Too little makeup and why even bother?

Before you get all "You're a typical little boy, you just want us to be in high heels and short skirts blah blah blah," I'd like to say that it doesn't really matter what you're wearing. You can wear sexy flats or sexy boots or even sexy sneakers instead of sexy high heels. You don't have to wear a sexy skirt, you can wear sexy jeans or a sexy dress or sexy slacks or sexy tights under a long shirt. You just can't wear sexy skorts because they haven't been invented yet.

Eye makeup (and I'm not sure what all is involved but I believe the components are eye-liner, eyeshadow and, possible, masqueradera) creates a little mystery that blush (which I like to call rouge) and lip stuff can't touch. Plus lipstick* and foundation have a tendency to get left behind on glasses, shirts and sheets.

Eye makeup creates mystery. Dudes love mystery and it's accompanying excitement (Jedi, on the other hand, do not crave adventure or excitement). And it's not just new guys. Keeping the mystery alive in your relationship will keep things fresh. And if things aren't fresh and fun, it's just a bunch of waiting around for the other shoe to drop. If throwing on some cat-eyes time and again keeps the fires burning, we're willing to watch TV for the extra 20 minutes it might take you to get ready.**

Grown men know how long it takes to get ready and we appreciate the effort and we'll try to remember to sincerely compliment you more. Keep in mind that too much eye makeup makes you look like a whore, an emo bassist or Tammy Faye Baker and adjust accordingly. Or don't, some guys may like that ennui-ridden, will-have-sex-for-money, televangelist's wife look.

*Note: I agree, it would look a little strange to spend 35 minutes on your eye makeup and totally neglect your lips.

**Note: Sorry for speaking for the entire gender, I don't feel it was out-of-line.

There are a lot of guys who like nothing better than a girl who rolls out of bed, brushes her chompers, throws on a pair of jeans and a shirt and is ready for whatever life has to throw at her. I am not one of those guys. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate that sometimes you (or I) may want to throw on a non-Red Sox cap and beeline it to the quickie mart for all the essentials (Fruit Roll-Ups, TP, ketchup, Olde English, the basics).

But, as the Bible tells us, there's a time for business and there's a time for grab-assin' around. Going out (on the town) is business time. And business time means eye makeup. (What you do at work is totally unimportant to me; you can spend 8 – 6 looking like Maria Bartiromo after a tequila bender for all I care.)

If you're a frequent reader of this space (and who's to say that you're not?), you know that I'm a smidge obsessive about women's eyebrows (not dangerously obsessive but comically obsessive). But unlike eyebrows, where having a plan and sticking to it is paramount, eye makeup requires a bit more of a deft hand and eye for class. Too much makeup and you end up looking like Tipsy the drunk clown. Too little makeup and why even bother?

Before you get all "You're a typical little boy, you just want us to be in high heels and short skirts blah blah blah," I'd like to say that it doesn't really matter what you're wearing. You can wear sexy flats or sexy boots or even sexy sneakers instead of sexy high heels. You don't have to wear a sexy skirt, you can wear sexy jeans or a sexy dress or sexy slacks or sexy tights under a long shirt. You just can't wear sexy skorts because they haven't been invented yet.

Eye makeup (and I'm not sure what all is involved but I believe the components are eye-liner, eyeshadow and, possible, masqueradera) creates a little mystery that blush (which I like to call rouge) and lip stuff can't touch. Plus lipstick* and foundation have a tendency to get left behind on glasses, shirts and sheets.

Eye makeup creates mystery. Dudes love mystery and it's accompanying excitement (Jedi, on the other hand, do not crave adventure or excitement). And it's not just new guys. Keeping the mystery alive in your relationship will keep things fresh. And if things aren't fresh and fun, it's just a bunch of waiting around for the other shoe to drop. If throwing on some cat-eyes time and again keeps the fires burning, we're willing to watch TV for the extra 20 minutes it might take you to get ready.**

Grown men know how long it takes to get ready and we appreciate the effort and we'll try to remember to sincerely compliment you more. Keep in mind that too much eye makeup makes you look like a whore, an emo bassist or Tammy Faye Baker and adjust accordingly. Or don't, some guys may like that ennui-ridden, will-have-sex-for-money, televangelist's wife look.

*Note: I agree, it would look a little strange to spend 35 minutes on your eye makeup and totally neglect your lips.

**Note: Sorry for speaking for the entire gender, I don't feel it was out-of-line.