Lose Weight, Have More Sex

As part of my series on things that are painfully obvious if you ever think about it, it's been revealed that obese men have problems with sex. And these problems are not just of the physics or the turning ladies to jelly variety.

According to US News (they've dropped the "World Report" for budgetary reasons), the hormonal changes associated with weight gain in men makes his sex life less satisfactory. As BMI goes up sperm count goes down (not bad for a singleton, I suppose), but so do libido and general desire (not to mention desirability). It's been said that the penis is a barometer (or a windsock, if that's a better visual for ya) for general male health. Things like blood pressure issues and cholesterol can have a seriously negative impact on boners. Though this is not always the case, as Paul Giamatti can attest to in Sideways.

On top of the medical reasons and not looking so good (though there are reportedly female chubby chasers), a big belly can make sex problematic for other reasons. The sheer physics of some positions are impossible for a husky boy and if she's also a Thicky Hilton, you can throw another handful out of the window. Next, there is an urban legend that every 25 to 35 lbs of gut loss will grow a dude's duder by one inch (Young Jeezy, what if Ron Jeremy went on a diet?). While the myth is a half-truth (belly loss draws back extra skin and things appear more magnificent, essentially), it's still a much better bet than a once a day male enhancement tablet. Furthermore, the whole prospect of sex has to be pretty disheartening when you need a mirror (or two) to see your own junk, to quote Family Guy's Stewie, "I bet none of you can even find your own penis. Find your penis for a dollar. Find your penis, one dollar! One dollar, find your penis." Not fun. Not sexy.

And it's not just the fellows who are having a hard time shooping because of the extra weight. Per science, there are, of course, hormonal problems (as well as trouble getting pregnant) with bigger gals but gangs of 'em are just not into sex because of lack of confidence (and they do say confidence is sexiness) and desire not to be seen nakey. (Though the average age of a woman losing her virginity is BMI-agnostic.) Lemondrop has a great story about a big-boned girl going to extremes to feel desirable and get some love. Fortunately for women, there are a lot of dudes that are into the BBW scene; Big Boi sums it up nicely, "Specially the big girl, big girls need love too no discrimination here, squirrel. So keep your hands off my cheeks, and let me study how you ride the beat ?You big freak."

Brass tacks: losing weight (to a healthy degree) makes a guy a better sex person and less susceptible to erectile dysfunction (and generally increases the quality of life). Though some dudes prefer their women Triple B (Big, Bad and Bodacious), it's probably a good idea to aim for a healthy size (try not to lose that trunk junk, ya heard?). So, let's all hit the gymnasium and we’ll be knocking boots like no one’s business by swimsuit season.

PS: Let's save those before/ after giant pants pics for Subway ads, please. Any stories out there about losing weight and increasing the sexy factor?