Houston Has Tough Strip Club Laws

A ruling (or decision not to hear the case) has been made in favor of the city of Houston against the city's strip clubs. Essentially, strip clubs have to follow a handful of stringent rules or get closed down. Maybe it's up to a community to decide what's right for it, morally. Or maybe there are rights protected by the Constitution.

Houston’s war on kinky sex whatnots just achieved another victory. According to a report in the Houston Chronicle, the city can ban strip clubs from operating “within 1,500 feet of any school, day care center, church or park.” That’s a pain, but it’s something that can be overcome. Just move the club to a less child-intensive or religious-y area. And the businesses have to be 1,000 feet from each other, so Houston’s famed Strip Club Row* is probably going to change it’s name.

But that’s surmountable too. The thing that’s going to break the backs (or poles) of these strippin’ clubs is that the dancers have to stay 3 feet away from the patrons. Seriously? Evidently, this has been in effect for some time but why even go to a strip club if they have to stay 3 feet away? It’s like going to a casino that only lets you gamble on the outcome of movies or novelizations of movies, sure it’s kind of fun if you’re drunk enough but mostly a waste of time.

A story that we’ve been checking in on from time to time is about a Houston suburb’s ban of at home sex clubs. The Cherry Pit has been targeted by the town’s ruling body for a while. And the 5th Court Of Appeals recently ruled that Texas has to allow sex toy shops to operate. So, if you’re keeping score at home, that’s 2 losses and 1 victory for the forces of corruption and turpitude.

Good luck getting another Super Bowl, Houston. Those sinners are probably better off in Dallas or, God forbid, Austin.

*Note: There is no Strip Club Row in Houston.
**Note: Will Ferrell should take a break from sports movies for a minute and make a comedy about a guy saving a strip club left to him by his estranged father. Maybe a puritanical councilman (played by Ben Stiller) could keep moving churches, daycare centers, and schools near his club and later revealed to be a sex maniac. Hmmm? Read more from the Houston Chronicle about the regulation of strip clubs in Houston…