Got A Gay BFF? 3 Signs He Might Not Be Good For You

Having a gay guy best friend seems to be a common dream among straight women. They want to be able to go shopping with him, have sassy banter and opinions with him, ogle boys with him, and go sipping on fruity drinks at a bar lounge together. The gay guy is clearly the ultimate for a straight woman. What straight women don’t know (along with gay men) is that your gay BFF might be screwing things up for you when it comes to men. Seriously!

The connection between a gay man and a straight woman is one of the most exciting permutations of any relationship. It allows both of them to revel in the thrill of a close rapport with the opposite sex—without the pitfalls that often (OK, always) accompany dating. But though the dynamic is rewarding, it's rarely simple. Because friendships between gay men and straight women do not comply with the strict guidelines governing physical and emotional intimacy between a female and a male, it's easy for them to impede the development of healthy romantic relationships.

How? You’re both attracted to men, not one another! Jamie Bufalino, sex columnist at Time Out New York, says that straight women and their gay best friends may really be too close for comfort. "What it comes down to is that both gay men and straight women often have really hard experiences with men," he says. "But it's harder for straight women in these situations. Gay men might be experiencing emotional attraction, but straight women have to deal with the physical attraction as well."

You're blurring the lines. While you can engage in both a gay/straight friendship and a requited romance from a man (a straight one), the balance can be thrown off by lofty expectations. Straight women may find that their gay male friends provide them with a level of understanding and emotional support that does not exist in the straight male psyche. And it is here that stereotypes can ring true. Whether it's a shared love of shopping or show tunes or the way he listens to stories about her backstabbing fake friend, a gay man can provide a woman with a degree of attentiveness that may be impossible for a straight man to match. Truth is, straight guys are not as emotionally in tune as women are – you don’t need science to see that (though why this is does need science). Gay guys on the other hand are more emotionally in tune with a woman.

Now you're too close for comfort. So what happens? Well when you’re too close for comfort you may be texting all the time, hanging out all the time, and sharing everything with your gay BFF – you do everything with your BFF. Everything. These blurred lines can cause room for discomfort with someone you’re dating and someone your gay BFF is dating. Yes, he too is also going to have difficulties with his man. How could he not? Both of you are being more attentive and invested in each other rather than your own partners. While that’s not to say you cannot have a best friend or be close to a friend, there needs to be established boundaries. Otherwise, you look co-dependent on each other similarly to those in a relationship.

Moral of the story? Just make sure to keep your lines solid rather than blurred with your gay BFF. You both could be screwing each other over otherwise. Treat your gay BFF as you would one of your gal pals – you keep them at arm’s length, right? Same goes for the gay bestie.