An Anal Sex Expert Answers 19 Questions You've Been Dying To Ask
Get the goods on joining the 'Backdoor Betty' club.
VGstockstudio / Shutterstock Dr. Hilda Hutcherson, the author of "Pleasure: A Women's Guide to Getting the Sex You Want, Need, and Deserve", loves sex toys, believes the world is much too porno-phobic, and thinks more women should give anal sex a try.
In other words, she's the gynecologist every guy wants his girlfriend to meet. She's the doctor who can tell you how to get a girl to have anal sex.
Among the many sexually taboo topics, anal sex is probably one of the most well-known.
All guys seem to want it, while all girls seem to hate it.
But Dr. Hutcherson believes that more women might actually find out that they like it if they give it a try.
Women who don't enjoy anal sex, she says, are probably doing it wrong.
There’s a lot about anal sex most people either don’t know or don’t understand. It’s one of those sex acts that’s best to have a little bit of knowledge about before trying to attempt it, especially if one or both of you have never tried it before.
What kind of questions should you be asking, and what should you make yourself aware of before trying it?
These worries plague plenty of first-timers, so don’t be concerned if you feel a little overwhelmed at the thought of it. While it’s true that anal sex, like any other kind of sex, isn’t for everyone, it would be a shame to simply mess up your first time and then hate it, never realizing what you’re missing out on.
Intrigued, I scheduled a consultation with Dr. Hutcherson. I wanted to make sure that I would get all the goods and secrets about joining the “Backdoor Betty” club.
If you’re curious, like I was, it’s time to put those concerns to rest and get some information that will help make your anal sex experience as fun and positive as it possible.
Therefore, here are 19 steps on how to get a girl to have anal sex, straight from a doctor.
1. Talk to her about it.
This should always be the number one step when it comes to anything sexual. If you talk about it, it opens up a space to be honest about how you both feel. She may believe the butt wasn't made to be penetrated. Or have questions like, "Is anal sex bad for you?"
Having this conversation can help to get rid of assumptions that could be wrong and discuss fears. Many believe that it will hurt...excruciatingly.
Dr. Hutcherson however dissolves that myth, "You're not going to hurt yourself if you follow the rules."
Talk about safety:
"It's not unsafe. She's not going to be wearing a diaper, she's not going to have fecal incontinence, she's not going to be soiling herself or passing gas all day. From her boyfriend, she wants to know that he's not going to just get in there and go crazy. Men do sometimes — they lose their minds."
Guys need to show that they are in it together with their partner and won't let their excitement cause issues, "Guys have these fantasies, and once they're in the midst of fulfilling them, they can lose control. A woman wants to know that he's going to work with her, and that if she has pain, he's going to stop."
2. Learn how to do it right.
There are official anal sex rules? Yes, there are. They aren't official but common sense. Dr. Hutcherson lays it out, "You've got to want it. You've got to use lots of lubrication. And you've got to take it slowly."
If you don't want it, you'll tense up and make penetration harder and hurt. Lubrication is always your friend when experimenting with sex. The more the merrier.
If it's your first time doing anal, you have to take it slow. Your body isn't used to something going in there.
Therefore, slow and steady wins the race.
3. Get the supplies you need.
The most important supplies you need is lube...lots of it. Because you are going to need lots of lube for anal to feel good.
You may be thinking, "Okay, but how much, exactly, is a lot of lube?"
And Dr. Hutcherson is here to answer:
"You need a lot. You've got to rub it all over the penis. Then, using your fingers, put the lubricant around the anal opening and up inside."
So, there is no such thing as "too much" lube. Again, the more the merrier. You want to be able to glide right in to ensure the receiver doesn't get hurt, or even worse, tear.
4. Make sure you get the right lube.
You read that right. Sure there isn't a limit to how much lube you should use, but there are restrictions on which type of lubes to use.
You may have heard that Astroglide isn't good for anal. And that's correct, it's not.
"Glycerin-based lubes don't last long enough. A silicone-based lubricant is going to be a lot better for anal sex. If you use one of the others, you have to stop, put more on, re-enter ... it's just a mess." says Dr. Hutcherson.
5. Have the knowledge you need.
Let's address the myth of anal sex being a messy pile of doo-doo. Dr. Hutcherson clears the air surrounding feces and anal sex.
"Everybody thinks you're going to have feces all over the place," She says. But most of the time, that's not the case.
Feces only shows up during anal if the receiver is constipated, "if she has normal bowel functions," everything should be fine.
This is because "the anus does not usually have feces until it's ready to evacuate." So make sure your bowel movements are regular before you dive into anal sex.
The question that is second to the doo-doo one is, "Can all women orgasm from anal sex?"
"Every woman has the ability to orgasm, physiologically, because the space between her vagina and rectum is so thin that, in the doggie position, the penis is going to press up against her G-spot. Some women find it's the easiest way to stimulate their G-spot," Dr. Hutcherson explains.
If you go into trying anal with these questions answered, you will be more confident and comfortable.
6. Know what positions to do.
As stated above Doggy Style is a popular anal position, but it's not the only one that can give optimal pleasure, especially if it's your first time.
Dr. Hutcherson suggests being in the spooning position when trying anal for the first time.
"For those just starting out, I think getting on all fours might be a little too intense because she doesn't have as much control. Lying on your side in the spooning position won't allow penetration that's as deep. It's also a more relaxing position. When you become more comfortable, the doggie is the easiest way for a woman to orgasm."
7. Know how far to go in.
Now that you know positions, what about depth? Is it possible to hurt her if the penis is thrust too far in?
"The penis is only so long! Contrary to what men believe, the average penis is five inches or less when erect," Dr. Hutcherson says, "But if you're talking about an extra-long toy, then, yes, it's possible."
So be careful if you are bringing toys into the bedroom for anal. They can only go in so far, so communicate with each other.
8. Know what toys to use.
It may sound interesting to some that you can lose things in the butt, but it can be terrifying for others. So, does it happen often?
Dr. Hutcherson says, "Not often, but it does happen. If people don't use something with a wide base, it can slip in."
"If something gets sucked in, you have to go to an emergency room most of the time to have it removed."
When looking at possible toys to bring in, keep in mind that you want toys that have that wide base to avoid an embarrassing trip to the ER.
9. Understand that anal takes teamwork.
It's important for a girl to relax her sphincter muscles. Dr. Hutcherson suggests using Kegels to do so, "She should squeeze the muscles when she breathes in and relax them when she breathes out. He should slowly push the penis in as she relaxes. You're working together."
Teamwork is extremely important, along with trust, "He shouldn't just push his way in. Men have to realize that if they make it painful, they're never getting in there again."
10. Understand that anal doesn't happen in one night.
Dr. Hutcherson recommends easing your way in over a period of six days.
"You don't start out with the penis. Work your way up, stimulating the outside with a finger or tongue and then slowly use your finger to enter the anus. And then once she gets used to that, you can go on to bigger and better things."
Jill Provost is a freelance writer, editor, and online editorial consultant who has written extensively on health and wellness for publications such as Glamour, Women's Health, Time Out, and more.
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