The Single Most Embarrassing Thing I Did After My Divorce
Divorce doesn't always have to be sad.
Andreia Durante | Shutterstock As divorce coaches, my partner and I hear some good (like, wicked good) stories. Most of them we cannot divulge here because of client confidentiality (unfortunately for you, sorry). However, we do have permission to share a few snippets from women who were willing to anonymously admit to some rather embarrassing post-divorce shenanigans. What's up with all of those awkward antics?
Here’s the thing: After you come through the hard parts of ending your marriage — deciding to divorce, grieving the loss of the relationship, and navigating the legal process — things finally do get easier. You start to feel better and you crave a little fun. So, you throw caution to the wind and say, 'I don’t care what anyone else thinks right now. I’m going to do whatever I want." And, you do exactly that.
It’s normal and healthy, and sometimes the results are great. But, sometimes ... well, let’s just say it may not be your proudest moments that result. For this article, we polled our divorced friends and past clients to find out exactly what this post-divorce/second adolescence looks like (and okay, this may include a story or two of our own here). We heard lots of stories about blind dates, waxing parts of bodies that haven’t seen the light of day in years, and plenty of illicit encounters. Some of the stories are heartwarming, some are downright hilarious, some are seriously awkward and some are … well, you decide!
Here are some embarrassing things women did after their divorce:
1. A smelly delivery
"I ordered a poop bomb and had it delivered to my ex’s new wife."
(Yes, this is something you can order online.)
2. The blind date
"I ditched a blind date to make out with the bartender in the bathroom. My date finally came looking for me and walked in on us."
3. A hired date
"I hired a smokin’ hot escort to take me to the museum fundraiser because I knew my ex would be there."
4. The cruise
"I booked a singles cruise, secretly hoping for an ocean romance. But when I got there it was all gay men. (Had the time of my life anyway!)"
Hey divorced women, listen — we think you're entitled to enjoy your newfound freedom and we encourage you to get out there and experiment. Learn how to be your single self again. We want you to play safely, but we do want you to get out there and play! Your first attempts at being single again will likely not go perfectly … and probably won't be too pretty either! But that’s okay, what’s important is that you're trying. Have a sense of humor about it all.
Remember how awkward you felt as a new teenager when your breasts were coming in. Or when you had to put toothpaste on your zits? Or when the boy on the bus smiled at you and you peed your pants a little? You survived puberty and you’ll survive this, too. Post-divorce is a time of independence, exploration, and a whole lot of trial and error. It’s all a part of being human. Women ask us all the time, "Is there life after divorce?" Yes, there is and it’s pretty terrific. So get out there.
Liza Caldwell runs SAS for Women, a boutique firm that specializes in helping women free themselves from dysfunctional and unhappy relationships.