Why I Refused To Serve As A Surrogate For My Best Friend And His Partner
My uterus isn’t for rent at any price.
Uriel Mont via Canva | Prostock-studio via Canva I am child-free by choice. There is nothing about carrying and raising a child that appeals to me.
So when my best friend and his partner approached me to ask whether I would serve as a surrogate for their baby, the answer was clear.
"No," I said. "Thank you for thinking of me, but I can’t carry your baby for you. Good luck finding someone else, though."
My friend and his partner were flabbergasted.
Sure, they understood I didn’t want kids of my own, but this wouldn’t be a kid of my own. They had been certain I’d agree to help them but they were wrong.
"You’d just be carrying it for nine months," they countered. "You wouldn’t really have to do anything. Besides, we’re willing to pay you."
I wouldn’t really have to do anything? It felt like they didn't understand a thing about what a person’s body goes through during pregnancy and childbirth. As far as offering me money, that was the least they could do, but it wasn’t enough.
My uterus isn’t for rent at any price.
I knew that my friend and his partner would have made great parents, but I was not comfortable with the idea of carrying their baby for them.
It was more than just not wanting to put my body through nine months of pregnancy. It was also about not wanting to be responsible for a child I’d then have to give up.
You can’t tell me carrying a baby in my uterus doesn’t make me responsible for it.
No, thank you. Not a chance.
I can’t help but feel like, however much I loved my friend and his partner, it wouldn’t have been fair to them or the child if I acted as their surrogate. It simply wasn’t something I was willing to do, and willingness to serve as someone’s surrogate is certainly one of the most important prerequisites to doing it.
No one should ever feel obligated or pressured into serving as someone else’s surrogate; if they don’t want to do so, their wishes must be respected without question.
We all have our own opinions on surrogacy but no opinion is greater than another person’s bodily autonomy. Our friendship ended for reasons unrelated to their request to use my body as a baby factory, but the fact that our friendship did indeed end just goes to prove I made the right decision.
So despite all of the heartache, I stand firm in my decision. My body, my choice, in every sense of the phrase.
Tracey Folly is a writer who has been contributing lifestyle and relationship content to the Internet since 2009.