10 Toxic Mindsets To Leave In Your 20s (To Make Your 30s Better)

My 20s were a mix of stress and unwanted responsibility. It felt like everyone else was having fun while I was stressed out of my box. My dad’s alcoholism was ramping up before it came to a head in my 29th year on this Earth.

I’ve grieved my 20s. The adventures I didn’t get to take. The time I lost to fear. For the crippling stress I was under.

Maybe you’ve had something similar, though I hope not, but there’s good news. There is a whole bunch of useless stuff we can leave behind.

Here are 10 toxic mindsets to leave in your 20s (to make your 30s better):

1. Dream big — but don't beat yourself up over net worth

I fell in love with the Mr Money Mustache blog when I was 21. I was going to follow in his footsteps and retire by 30.

Now, I'm approaching 30 in no place to retire early, and with no desire to do so. Frankly, I’d be miserable if I retired.

Writer and media strategist Ryan Holiday talked about no one ever hitting their “number” where they’d be comfortable. But You get to the number and move the goalposts. Nat Eliason wanted 5 million dollars by the time he was 30. But then he realized that the work he enjoyed the least was the work that was done to chase that number.

Sure, dream big. But beating yourself up for the sake of a net worth number you probably based on nothing won’t make you happy.

Photo: Tima Miroshnichenko/Pexels

2. You can't cherry-pick jealousy

You can’t cherry-pick jealousy. I learned this from Naval Raviankt.

You can’t pick one aspect of someone’s life to be jealous of. Because they only have that in conjunction with every other aspect of their life. So if you’re going to be jealous, you have to swap your entire life with theirs to get exactly what they have.

And you probably don’t want to do that. Give up your partner, friends, family, thoughts, hobbies, all of it would have to go and be forgotten forever. As Naval puts it, “If you’re not willing to do a wholesale, 24/7, 100 percent swap with who that person is, then there is no point in being jealous.”

3. Life is too short to let the weather upset you

If you can’t control it, you can’t worry about it. Otherwise, worry will eat you alive.

I’ve read a bunch of books on Stoicism, the ancient Roman philosophy that tech bros adore. One thing jumps out again and again: focus on what you control. More life than we care to admit is out of our control. But if we get lost in the what if’s, all our energy gets sucked into that vacuum.

Think about what you can control and focus your energy there. Maybe it’ll rain and change your plans, but worrying about whether it will rain isn’t getting you anywhere. Let it go.

RELATED: 30 Things To Do In Your 20s To Ensure You Kill It In Your 30s

4. People are too busy to think about you

You don’t enter people’s thoughts nearly as often as you think they do. Do you know what happens when I see some eccentric person in a crazy outfit on the street? I think “Huh, that was odd” and then never think about that person again.

If the narrative in your head is worrying what other people think that’s thinking about yourself. And if you spend time thinking about yourself, what makes you think other people will be different? We’re all just chattering away to ourselves in our heads. I’m not thinking about you and you’re not thinking about me, and that’s just fine.

5. People-pleasing is a bottomless bucket you'll never fill

My therapist has never looked so delighted as when I told her, “The people pleaser in me is dead.” Seriously. She lit up and almost shouted, “That’s great!”.

If you keep giving, people keep taking. They won’t ever realize when you’re giving too much. It only happens when you stop and say no.

Want to hear the funny thing that happens after that? Nothing. People get over it and respect the boundary. They shrug and move on, pretty much unaware that anything has changed.

​RELATED: Dear Twenty-Something Me: I'm Proud Of You

6. Stop putting off all things you want to do

Getting a dog, having children, writing a book, running a marathon, starting a business. Stop putting these things off for later. Later never comes. Find a way to start today and make a start.

Research dog breeds, buy a notebook, go for a run, and set up a website. It was a beyond tiny chance that you were ever going to exist in the first place. Make the most of it. If there’s stuff you want, start making it happen today.

7. Stop scrimping on sleep

A lack of sleep is ruining your mood and your health. Stop it. Go to bed when you need to and get up when you need to. Sleep isn’t a luxury it’s a necessity

Hustle culture is the poison that convinces people to work all day and hustle all night before grabbing 4 hours of sleep. It’s bulls**t. Get your 8 hours.

8. Banish 'shoulds' from your life

“Should” is a voice that was put there. It isn’t your voice. It’s the voice of a parent or of society itself telling you what to do. If you find your inner voice is telling you that you should do something, try the statement again with need and want.

I should go outside because it’s sunny. Hmm, that doesn’t sound right. “I need to go outside because it’s sunny.” well, no, I’m happy inside gaming. “I want to go outside.” Again no, I’m happy right here. However, if you think you should make dinner because you’re hungry, then yes. “I need to go make dinner because I’m hungry.” Yeah, that checks out. Time to get cooking.

I learned this from a TikTok I watched when there was probably something better I “should” have been doing.

​RELATED: 10 Love Mistakes I Made In My 20s I'll Never, Ever Repeat Again

9. Learn how to present yourself well

How you present yourself matters.

I spent most of my 20s being passive about my clothes. Ever since I started putting in the effort, I feel better about myself, more professional and put together. Once upon a time, I worked in my pajamas. That’s a fast track to depression.

Also: get regular haircuts while you’re at it. When you look good, you feel good.

10. Allow yourself to do stuff just for the joy of it

You don’t have to be productive all day long. You don’t have to have hobbies that look good on social media. You don’t even have to do things just because you always have.

You can do things for the pure and simple reason that you like it. That’s enough. It doesn’t have to gain you anything else, it can be done just for joy.

I have this terrible habit that once I start any new hobby, I instantly start turning it into a side hustle. I went fishing once, and my brain was already creating a YouTube channel and a niche site around it. Enough. Doing something just for the joy is plenty. (Assuming, of course, it doesn’t hurt anyone.)

You are a monkey flying through space on a giant spaceship called Earth. It’s a pretty magical thing that you’re even here in the first place. 

​RELATED: 31 Things One Woman Wishes She'd Known In Her 20s That Would Have 'Revolutionized' Her Life

Kieran MacRae is a writer, podcaster, and thinker who specializes in personal development and working online. He's been featured in publications such as Huffington Post and Goalcast and regularly writes on his blog, Writing Challenge.