The Tiny But Truly Brave Step That Is 100% Required For Getting Sober
The first step is always the hardest.
Africa images via Canva Co-written by Constance Ray
Substance abuse, particularly the use of opioids, is now an epidemic in the United States. For most addicts, self-deception is the biggest obstacle to wellness because you can’t change something you can’t admit.
Constance Ray (one of the creators of Recovery Well) wrote a guest article for Dr. Warren that offers us two stories to exemplify the interconnections between self-deception and addiction.
Honest, brutal, but also inspiring, these personal accounts demonstrate how the journey of overcoming addiction requires admitting the truth to yourself.
As addicts, we often try to convince ourselves that we don’t have a problem. I’m not addicted. I don’t use that much. I’m not really hurting anyone, to name a few of the most common deceptive lies.
The Crucial First Step Anyone Who Wants To Get Sober Must Take For Recovery To Work
For those struggling with addiction, self-deception is a constant battle. Almost always, it fluctuates between denial of the addiction and recognition of the truth that something needs to change.
Deception is a key component of addiction. As the stories of two recovering addicts demonstrate, it isn’t until you are truly honest with yourself that you can make a positive change.
2 True Stories of Addicts Who Got Honest With Themselves
Brandon’s Story
Accomplished athlete, college graduate — Brandon was living a great life, but he got bored and tried Oxycontin recreationally. What started out as one or two pills here and there quickly escalated into many.
“I was using on a regular basis but I would lie to myself saying, 'You’re not an addict — you went to work, you got everything done and you just happen to use pills for fun,'” Brandon said. “I didn’t want to hear that addict word. But my excuses were just that — excuses. I was lying to myself.”
Brandon was becoming a different person, and when he looked at himself in the mirror, he didn’t recognize the reflection. He made up lies to justify his behavior, but all the while his bank account was dwindling to fund his addiction, alerting his parents to a serious problem.
“I’m 25 years old. If I didn’t want to go to rehab, they couldn’t force me. But I thought about it and asked myself, ‘How long am I going to do this?’ I was exhausted all the time; it was all I could do to get through an eight-hour workday. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired,” Brandon said.
Once Brandon was honest with himself, he was finally ready to go to rehab and booked the next flight to the Treehouse.
If you ask Brandon, he will tell you that the secret to success in recovery is to truly be honest with yourself, no matter how much it hurts or how hard it is to admit.
“Deep down in your heart, you have to want it. They can give you all the tools available, but you really have to want it,” Brandon said. “So ask yourself: ‘Are you done? Are you really done?'”
Dave’s Story
Unlike Brandon, Dave’s life was a little more tumultuous due to his parents’ constant arguing, leaving him feeling isolated and alone. In middle school, a friend introduced him to marijuana, and he felt like he had finally found the answers to his emotional problems when he was high.
Throughout college, Dave continued to numb the pain with drugs, but when he flunked out, his parents tried to intervene. Although clearly at a low point, he hadn’t yet come to terms with the truth.
“I hadn’t conceded to myself that I had a problem with drugs or alcohol, but I was ready to get some emotional help. So I went to treatment,” Dave said.
After treatment, he finished college and got a job in the pharmaceutical business. However, Dave then started abusing prescription meds and used his job to fuel his addiction.
“Because of my job, I knew exactly what to say to doctors to get prescriptions for opiates, benzos, and really anything I wanted. I knew the language,” he said.
Over the next few years, Dave went to recovery meetings on and off and simply switched jobs when he thought he was close to being ‘found out.’ There came a point when he couldn’t go a day without using and came to a crossroads.
“I had to get completely honest with myself and admit things I wasn’t proud of doing to the people around me. I still make mistakes, but now I also make amends,” he said.
According to him, recovery is the solution you’re looking for — you just have to put aside your fear and self-doubt.
“There’s hope in recovery. You know, when you’re using, there’s such a sense of hopelessness and despair. But recovery is possible,” Dave said. “Our disease is what it is, but if you surrender and ask for help, help is out there. There’s another way.”
The naked truth is this: All of us lie to ourselves. It is a part of human nature.
Yet, for those battling addiction, staying stuck in their self-deception can mean the difference between getting help and a lifetime of suffering.
Although it will be hard, take a moment and really get honest with yourself. You’ll discover that the desire to get help is there; you just have to admit the truth to yourself first.
Constance Ray started Recovery Well with the goal of creating a safe place for people to share how addiction has affected them, whether they are combating it themselves or watching someone they care about work to overcome it. The goal is to share stories of hope from survivors who know that the fight against addiction is one worth having, because no matter how it affects you, life can get.
Cortney Warren, Ph.D., ABPP, is a clinical psychologist and adjunct professor of psychiatry at the University of Nevada Las Vegas (UNLV). She is also the author of Letting Go of Your Ex and Lies We Tell Ourselves.