The One Question To Ask When You Think You're Not [Anything] Enough
The goal of most mass marketing and consumerism is to make us feel badly about ourselves, but you don't have to.
Jose Calsina | Shutterstock We don’t often think about how profoundly the mass media influences the lies we tell ourselves. On television, in movies, and in advertisements, we are fed information about who we should be in our culture.
As a woman living in mainstream American culture, for example, attaining the perfect appearance is fundamental to our value. Specifically, we need to look eternally 18 years old with perfect skin, big eyes surrounded by long eyelashes, white teeth, and a very thin yet feminine figure.
If we do not meet this ideal and are deemed unattractive, there is nothing we can do to make-up for it.
No matter how hard we try, we cannot be smart enough, funny enough, nice enough to compensate for our imperfect looks — we will never be as valuable as the “beautiful woman” sitting next to us.
As a man living in mainstream American culture, your gender-role is most tied to money, intelligence, and your physical strength. Not only do you need to be muscular and fit, but you also need to make a lot of money, be educated, and be smart.
Although you have slightly more flexibility than women around how to be culturally valuable — you can be valued for your money or brains instead of just your physical appearance — you are still evaluated and scrutinized on the basis of these culturally imposed characteristics.
From a very early age, we begin learning what is most valued in our culture for our sex.
Walk down the aisle of toys at any major store. What does the girls section look like? What does the boys section look like? Even a cursory glance shows that girls should be princesses dressed in pink tiaras, while boys should be strong, car-loving men of action, dressed in military fatigues.
Over time, we consciously and unconsciously internalize these cultural norms, evaluating ourselves and others in comparison to them. Usually without conscious awareness, we grow up trying to emulate whatever culture deems to be most valuable because we all want to be desired, loved, and wanted.
In fact, the goal of most mass marketing and consumerism is to make us feel badly about ourselves.
We are encouraged to lie to ourselves about our true value because the worse we feel, the more we will buy! For after convincing us that we are less than ideal, the media will offer us endless products that claim to fix our prescribed faults.
For example, if marketers convince us that we are not good-looking enough and then offer us products to fix our flawed appearance — make-up, anti-aging products, dieting aids, hair growth serums, plastic surgery — we are more likely to buy them.
A large body of research suggests that the mass media is doing an exceptional job of making us feel badly about ourselves. As we internalize cultural values and ideals of appearance, we become more dissatisfied with ourselves. That leads us to spend enormous amounts of our personal resources — including money, time, and energy — trying to fix our flaws.
The naked truth is this: We need to become more critical consumers of the mass media.
We need to think about the messages that we learn from a very early age about what makes us valuable or not valuable. As we become more aware of our surroundings and the cultural messages we learned, we must determine whether we aspire to be a certain way because we believe it is right or because we were culturally conditioned to believe it is right.
The next time you watch television or a movie, ask yourself this question:
What messages is this promoting about my fundamental value as a human being? Have I internalized this message?
If so, perhaps it is time to change that.
Dr. Cortney Warren is a Board-Certified Clinical Psychologist and expert on addictions, eating disorders, self-deception, and the practice of psychotherapy from a cross-cultural perspective.