Mom Feeling Excluded By Childfree Friends Demands They Make More Accommodations For Her
She's accused her friends of purposely excluding her.
EllieStark and Monkey Business Images via Shutterstock / Sketchify via Canva Friendships are often built on similar lifestyles and shared experiences. So when one friend's life drastically changes, so too can their relationship with their friend group.
Such is often the case for the first person in a friend group who has a baby, as one woman experienced after childbirth, leading her friend to reach out to Reddit for advice.
The new mom got angry with her friends for not accommodating her when making plans.
The mom's friend took to Reddit to explain her friend group's situation. In a now-deleted post, she explained that she supported her friend throughout her entire pregnancy, even planning the baby shower and preparing her house for when she came home with the newborn.
Recently, however, she noted that her friend became upset with her on multiple occasions for supposedly excluding her because she has a child.
The first time occurred when the friend group wanted to go out for drinks after the baby shower. However, the mom-to-be decided not to go for fear of inhaling second-hand smoke inside the bar, telling her friend it wasn’t fair that she and her other friends only wanted to go to adult-only places.
However, the friend wrote that since the baby's birth, they've made it a point to do things that the new mom can also enjoy.
“Every few weeks our friend group does a barbecue where she can bring the baby around us & hang out with us,” she wrote. “We even visit her on separate occasions just to spend time with her or invite her out to lunch.”
Photo: Alexander Grey / Unsplash
Things came to a head when the group went to a casino one night and spent another at a late-night bar. Despite being invited to join her friends on both occasions, the mom again accused them of intentionally excluding her because she had a child — an accusation that did not go over well with her friend.
“I’m sorry you’re feeling that way but we’re a bunch of single 20-something-year-old people working 10 hours a day 40-70 hours a week & wanted to have a drink or two, we didn’t choose to have a kid with you, therefore, we don’t have to always worry about accommodating you,” she wrote. “You had a baby, life changed for you. I have no issue making more time for you but I’m not going to stop going to some of my favorite places with some of my favorite people whenever I want to & can bc you have other responsibilities now.”
As friends enter different life stages, it's natural for those friendships to change.
“She had the kid, and having kids comes with adult responsibilities and giving up the party life in this stage of her child’s life,” the top Reddit comment reads, a life change that can be difficult for new parents, especially young ones, to accept. While it may feel isolating, new parents should know that they're not alone — a UK study found that 49% of new moms between the ages of 18 and 25 struggle with feelings of isolation.
“It’s natural to feel a sense of loss, as your time and identity are really adjusting to your new role," therapist Tasha Bailey told Cosmopolitan. "You might worry about being forgotten or mourning parts of your life before parenthood.”
Some commended the mom's friend for doing her best to keep her relationship with her friend, even if her efforts weren’t reciprocated, with one person adding, “Her expecting you to only ever do things that she can bring her baby to is selfish and unrealistic.”
Becoming a parent is a huge adjustment and growing pains come along with it, but that is no reason to antagonize your friends who are doing their best to keep you in their life or to end a friendship. Instead, Dr. LaToya S. Gilmore, Ed.D, LPC, NCC, a licensed professional counselor, told Romper that everyone tries to adjust their expectations of friendship.
In addition, just as it's important for people to have "work friends" and married couples to have "married friends," moms should prioritize making "mom friends" who can do and appreciate things that core friends may not be able to.
Jonathan Alfano is a writer who focuses on news and entertainment topics.