The 12 Hidden Metrics That Tell You If Your Life Is Going Well Or Not

What’s the benchmark for a good life? It’s easy to pick up on visible signals that someone’s life might be going well: they drive a nice car, they live in a big house in an affluent neighborhood, they have a loving spouse and happy kids, and they take vacations regularly.

But it’s a tale as old as time that these external signals aren’t necessarily accurate indications. A nice car doesn’t mean a nice life.

I have had a lot of personal experience with very, very wealthy people. Before I went into writing, I worked with high-net-worth families. One thing that consistently surprised me was how unhappy and unsatisfied these individuals were. I saw their net worth, their accolades, their homes, their vacations — and it would have been easy to assume that they’ve got it all figured out.

In reality, they had more complex problems. Sure, they didn’t stress about paying their rent. But they did worry that their fiance was only marrying them for money. They woke up without any direction and often found themselves struggling with addiction — gambling, alcohol, or escorts.

Their private lives were often in shambles despite the very beautiful, shiny facade.

It reminds me of the parable of the Mexican fisherman and the investment banker. Scroll down to read that at the bottom of this piece.

Here are the 12 hidden metrics that tell you if you’re living a good life:

1. You eat meals with your family every day

My family and I left California and went to Portugal. When my American husband saw that businesses closed for two-hour lunch breaks every day, had multiple holidays a year (regardless of wealth), and didn’t work on weekends — he was shocked and, to a degree, appalled.

My husband is in real estate and is used to working seven days a week. If the client demands it, he will meet it. It doesn’t matter if it’s his birthday or Christmas. He was gone before breakfast and home later than dinner.

Portugal, like many places in southern Europe and beyond, understands the value of eating together. It’s a luxury to enjoy food with people you care about. It’s an even greater luxury to be able to take your time leisurely without feeling rushed or stressed.

How often do you eat with your family? When you do, is it a race to finish? Or are you engaging in conversation, savoring your food, and feeling present?

2. You’re comfortable sitting alone without distractions

We are in the always-on era. I’m guilty myself — whenever I’m doing mundane tasks like cleaning or cooking, I’m listening to a podcast. When I’m relaxing, I’m watching TV or reading a book. Sitting in silence, without stimulation, is powerful.

It’s challenging to do. A study asked a group of participants to sit alone in a room without distractions or people for 15 minutes, or they could give themselves an electric shock. More than two-thirds of the men and one-quarter of the women chose the electric shocks.

Why is this a metric that your life is going well? You’re so comfortable with yourself that you’re not afraid of being alone with your thoughts.

3. You wake up with energy

Your alarm clock goes off, and you think: “not again.” That’s a pretty clear indication that you’re unhappy. Sure, you might not be a morning person. But I’m not buying it. Let’s say you were getting up early for a two-week vacation. Would you be a morning person then?

When you wake up with energy, it’s an indication of two very important things:

You slept well (more on this later).
Your life is worth waking up for.

4. You can have fun sober

I recently quit drinking after years of drinking socially to mask my anxiety. I thought I’d probably never be able to have “fun” again. And I use quotation marks for a reason: alcohol-fueled “fun” isn’t fun. It’s mayhem.

Having fun sober is really fun. Whatever you do while you’re sober is the real you. Being drunk is not the real you. It’s your persona showing up to play out its subconscious pain without inhibitions.

If you have to drink to feel enjoyment, I can tell you quite plainly that you’re not happy.

5. You seek out feedback

The most successful, grounded people I’ve ever come across are not defensive when confronted with critical feedback. On the contrary, they willingly accept and intentionally seek out feedback to better themselves. Not just in the workplace but also socially, romantically, and physically.

This is a hidden metric of a good life because it shows that you’re not intimidated by your potential flaws. Instead, you have enough self-esteem and self-confidence to see flaws as an opportunity for growth. Feedback is fuel — it’s exciting to you.

Weak, unhappy people are hurt by feedback. They jump to their defense because they feel like they need to. They think the world is against them, and any potential flaw could be their social downfall.

6. You sleep well

When you’re overworked, stressed, or unhealthy, you don’t sleep well. When you get consistently poor sleep, you’re at an increased risk of neurodegenerative and cardiovascular disease, as well as reduced mental health.

Good sleep is the foundation of a good life. It means that you have the flexibility in your schedule to prioritize a long night’s sleep, and your body is capable of moving through the sleep stages seamlessly. This might sound random, but people with sleep apnea, breathing issues, depression, insomnia, etc., have very fragmented sleep, which perpetuates a vicious cycle.

7. You often come up with new ideas

Stress — financial, emotional, or physiological — is debilitating for creativity. It crushes your innovation and stifles the ability to come up with new ideas. Stress narrows your focus, making it difficult to see beyond immediate problems or concerns.

Conversely, a life that is relatively low in stress and provides emotional and financial stability can be conducive to creative thinking. In such an environment, your mind is free to explore new concepts, connect disparate ideas, and find innovative solutions to challenges. You are more likely to feel inspired, imaginative, and open to exploring new possibilities. That’s a good life for me.

Don’t get me wrong: you don’t have to invent new businesses constantly. I’m referring to small but mighty ideas like a new meal you could make for dinner or a fun idea for date night.

8. You argue constructively with your spouse

I won’t put being married on this list because there are so many nuances. You could be married but unhappy or married and cheating. Plus, it’s not a hidden metric. Study after study has shown that being married is associated with greater happiness and a longer lifespan. So it’s a pretty overt metric.

What’s more hidden and more indicative of a good life is how you argue with your spouse. Arguing is normal and healthy. So don’t aim to never argue. Aim to argue with love. Embrace disagreements as an opportunity to learn more about how to love your spouse. Set healthy boundaries — if either party starts raising their voice, take space. If you start saying things you’ll regret — admit that.

Arguing is constructive if done correctly. When you’re mentally and emotionally stable and living a good life, you’re able to be constructive and kind with your words and overcome challenges with the person you love.

9. You don’t feel emotionally triggered when you think of the past

If your palms start sweating or you start feeling anger, bubble up when you think of something in your past — you haven’t processed it yet. It can be hard to process emotionally traumatic things that you’ve been through. But to live a good life, you need to be able to.

Unresolved emotional baggage from the past can act as a weight, holding you back from living a fulfilling life in the present. It can lead to persistent stress and anxiety and even impact your physical health. However, working through these past experiences, either through self-reflection, therapy, or other healing methods, can provide relief and pave the way for emotional growth.

One of my favorite one-liners: what is hysterical is historical. Observe your reactions to things. If you want to see what has the most power over your life, think about who you blame. Be free from the pain of the past; it’s a burden you don’t need to carry.

10. You don’t lead with your achievements

Picture this: you’re at a dinner party surrounded by strangers. Someone asks, so tell us about yourself. What do you reply?

“Hi, I’m Jim, managing director of XYZ, live in Manhatten, went to Cornell, blah blah blah.”

If you do this, you’re leading with the insights that you believe, even just subconsciously, are what make you worthy. It’s why there’s a stereotype of the short man driving a Ferrari. Your insecurities are so loud they’re taking over.

A truly fulfilled person knows that their worth isn’t in what they’ve achieved; it’s in who they are. So instead, Jim, maybe you could introduce yourself like this:

“Hi, I’m Jim. I’m an avid hiker, recently did the Appalachian trail with my two kids, I love documentaries and 80s rock, and I live in the city with family because we love the hustle and bustle.”

You’re sharing more about what makes you, you.

11. You trust people in your close circle

Trust is the bedrock of any meaningful relationship. When you have a close circle of friends and loved ones you trust implicitly, it signifies a depth of connection and a sense of security in your social bonds.

Being distrustful is a trauma response I’m still trying to work through. I’m inherently suspicious of everyone as a default. And I know where it stems from, which is my first step to overcome it.

Having a negativity bias or doubting people’s intentions isn’t just about the social dynamic; it’s a wider indication of how you approach life. It keeps you tethered to the past, making it challenging to let go of previous betrayals or traumas and thus impeding your ability to find happiness in the present.

Distrust leads to isolation, loneliness, and, to a degree, self-righteousness. You think you’re the only person with a moral compass and that you’re so inherently valuable that people would come up with a master plan to take you down. You’re not that special, and that’s a huge relief.

12. You eat birthday cake

The final, more arbitrary, hidden metric is that you eat birthday cake. This is an indication of a few things:

You’re healthy enough that you know a slice of birthday cake isn’t going to be your downfall.
You can enjoy food as a celebration without needing to obsess over it.
You’re celebrating your birthday — life is a gift.
You’re likely with people who care about you.

I’ve worked in the health and fitness industry for almost a decade, and I consistently see two schools of thought around junk food. First, if it fits your macros, aka if you work hard enough to treat yourself. Second, if you’re a fat, lazy POS.

Neither school of thought makes you very happy. I’m a nutritionist, trust me — the occasional slice of cake is better for your mental health than it could ever be detrimental to your physical health.

Eat the cake, enjoy life.

The Parable of the Mexican Fisherman

An investment banker was vacationing in a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. The boat had several large, fresh fish in it.

The investment banker, impressed by the fish, asked the man how long it took to catch them.

The fisherman replied, “Only a little while.”