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threesome?

Published on April 27, 2013 by lou777

Im not sure if this is the right forum but im not sure to ask for advice.

I have been seeing a guy from work casually for a few months. it is not a relationship, we are just having fun which suits us both. he has mentioned a few times its his dream to have a threesome with another girl-which man hasnt!when we have been "in the moment" ' during phone sex etc, i guess i have played up to that fantasy as i do want to please him. now however he wants to do it for real.Although there is a curious side to me as i do enjoy sex, the thought of being pushed out and jelousy upsets me. I kept help feel inadequate..does it mean im not enough?

In all fairness to him,he has he only wants fun nothing more.im not sure how i feel about him pleasing someone else..i have mixed feelings about him as i do like him.is this a sign i should it completely? I am tempted to have an honest conversation with him but i think he will stop it.

This is a mindfield for me.last year i finished an 8 year relationship and this was just a bit of fun for me after such a difficjlt time.plus the guy works for the same company as me and i obvioysly wouldnt want other to fibd out.

Any advice would be helpful.itsnot something i can talk to friends about easily.

Thanks Lou

ANSWERS

"This is a mine field for me", is a very telling sentence. If you don't feel like you can talk to him about it, because he'll stop the conversation, could you feel comfortable jumping into bed with him and another woman? Jealousy is a real issue, so is having a complicated sexual relationship with a co-worker. The important question is, "How do you feel, inside, in your heart? Does it feel comfortable? If you do not feel comfortable you might want to consider other ways to spice up your sex life or a sexual path that involves more than just fun. The question, "Am I not enough?" is interesting. Let me answer that one for you. You are enough. Now that we have established your enoughness, how do you really feel? If you are feeling like you are not enough you may consider doing something for the wrong reasons, like pleasuring a man in a way that is uncomfortable to you to prove you are enough. In that case I would choose to deal with the "enoughness" question before I moved forward. If you have trouble knowing how you really feel, I would invite a conversation about how to connect with your true feelings. Blessings :-) Mari

Well, the main points are "Casually seeing a guy" and "It is NOT a relationship."- So if we begin here we can suggest that the guy has already been honest,forthcoming, sincere and open about what he likes or would like to try. He only asked you because he is currently having casual sex with you. You calm you "THINK" he will stop an honest conversation but you haven't tried to have a honest conversation so how can you say hypothetically he will reject you? clearly its all about you wanting a steady relationship with him and he may sensed this all along and he is or may want to cool things down by bringing in another female to keep you guys sexual encounter platonic and strictly casual sex. For example, the dilemma is that your equating your perceived jealousy with past cheating or you walking out because your not getting the attention you need (not saying this happened) but you confuse the sexual act with him not wanting to be committed or assuming he can't be a one woman man. Its all untrue and you've placed him like the bad guy and he is not. You led him on and played with that fantasy and now your feeling vulnerable because he is suggesting you share him. I'll be candid,frank and to the point: There is no guarantee he will want to be with you exclusively whether you have a 3-Some or not.He appears to be a single guy and whereas most women would have shut that fantasy down on day one. Now your acting prim and proper and you can't claim your religious beliefs don't believe in sex before marriage,3-Somes, or all of the above because your selfish and want "YOUR MAN" all to yourself. The problem is he is NOT your man and I think you've had more than enough opportunities to see if he wants to be in a committed relationship but you didn't. If he is into random sex with casual females and your one of them then its not gonna make any difference if you say no to the 3Some because your still having sex. Don't be afraid of the rejection and ask him if he'd like to be EXCLUSIVE- if he rejects you just know it is not personal, he wants to have fun and it shouldn't be used against him. You have a right to your own feelings because they are internal. However,if you just decide to do the three-some just know that if you leave the group sex in a rage,anger, jealousy that he does more with her and not you- just know that you are all adults. He may not run after you either so expect to be honest in the future and not play mind games

We all have fantasies, but there is a big difference between fantasy and reality. There is only one reason that a man wants to bring another person into a relationship, and it is this: he is not that into you. You should start seeing other people.

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