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Is my boyfriends friendship with his ex justified?

Published on December 25, 2012 by meerkat0208

I have been with my boyfriend for a year now and it has been up and down. The main reason is because of his ex. When we first started dating I still spoke to my ex boyfriend and he still spoke to his ex but then our relationship started to become more serious and it began to bother me. Since this I have not spoken to my ex but his ex girlfriend has continued to ring him and he has answered a few times. I admit that I have made it hard for us as it bothers me so much (i.e. checking his phone/facebook constantly). He says that he does not answer or return phone calls but why does she keep phoning? After months of this I told him to tell me the truth about what he wanted from their friendship. She cheated on him towards the end of their 3 year relationship (I know this is a long time as I was in a long term one to) and he says he wants to be civil, remove any grudges so that it is easier if they end up going out with mutual friends, I understand this however he has lied to me on a couple of occasions about a text she has sent or a phone call. one time he even went to see her, in a group with a friend, to speak to her face about patching things up. This really upset me as it was a lie yet he says he did this so it was a mature, face to face conversation and he didn't know how to tell me straight away. It also does not help that I asked him not to give her a new number for a works phone but he still phoned her from it and then said he didn't think? I know it may all sound pathetic but it is really forcing us apart. I do not know if I should fully trust him or how to restore the trust I have lost and even if I have completely over reacted.

ANSWERS

Trust is a big deal in any relationship, and it goes both ways. Your personal challenge is this: can you stop checking his phone/facebook/etc? If you cannot stop, you need to work on your own insecurities. You have given him way more power than he really has - you will be ok if he does indeed cheat in you. Really, you will survive. Let it go. Your insecurities and jealousy will send him running for the hills, and leave you exactly where you expected to be - dumped. So stop looking for evidence because you already know what's up, he lies to you. Focus on trusting. This creates a challenge for HIM: he has to be trustworthy. You can't trust people who demonstrate that they lie, especially about visiting the ex... It doesn't sound like he is trying to earn your trust. Suggestion: Decide what level of contact between the beau and his ex you are willing to tolerate, and be very specific. If he cannot live up to it, move on. You will be fine. Actually, better. And stop spying on men, its a waste of time.

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