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I'm not certain - Is he serious?

Published on April 26, 2014 by tati1990

Ok, this European guy came to work in southern Africa 2 years ago, where he found me :) We met online on a dating site and then met up in person a month after that. We started hanging out quite often since then, he would pick me up and we would go back to his apartment after he was done with work. He worked in the hospitality field (hotels/restaurants), so would only be done in the evenings. I barely saw him in the day except on a Sunday when he wasn't working. Anyway, after doing this for almost 7 months, he was transferred to another country for work. Now during the time he was with me, I'd never met his buddies, he hadn't referred to me as his girlfriend, didn't tell me he loved me. I only knew he did genuinely care about me or loved me as a person (just maybe not in love).

After he left, we kept in contact with skype and other IM services. But in my mind, it was goodbye for me... I thought the chats would subside and eventually just stop. The chats DID slow down,but to my surprise, recently he's been very initiative with them and is somehow opening up to me way more than he ever did in person. Talking about wanting me to visit him or spent my holidays with him at his new place of work (he's been transferred again since the first time he moved from where I am). He says thsi means we'll be able to see each other a bit more often (cos I havn't seen him since he left last year.)He mentioned that we've been talking for over a year since he left, which is really saying something for him. And I feel like he wants to say something mushy like he loves me but instead he'll say something like: he wishes I was in his head for me to realise how important I am to him (this came out in a mini argument we had when he missed a skype date I specifically stayed up for). He said he cared about me more than what I think, that I'm on his mind a lot. Also there have been some new pet names - its not babe/honey anymore but my dear and darling (laughs). He'll randomly tell me he misses me so much and wishes we could be together. Apparently, before he had to leave my country, he'd thought of writing me a letter that I could read after he'd gone. I told him I probably cant afford to visit him in the new country he'll be in (although it'll be closer than where he was before), but he says perhaps he could pay for me to join him. And when we skype, it's not about sexy time as much as it was before.. now it's to talk.

But here's where my trouble comes in... it looks and sounds wonderful, but for some reason I'm just having a hard time trusting it. How real could this be? This is very unusual for me because we didn't have the conventional relationship when he was here - firstly we met online (which is a 1st for me), then we never physically went out on dates, he only met 2 friends of mine in passing, never asked about my family or my life really..just a little but I can't even remember.. I felt like there was a lack of interest - so it wasn't the usual cute relationship that I'm used to. Although I was comfortable and he didn't hurt me otherwise, I just never put a lot of weight on whatever it was we were because I didn't see signs of someone who was interested in getting to know me deep down. I lost my virginity to him - but I don't regret it actually. He IS a sweet guy, he isn't a jerk or anything. He didn't force me, but I did think it happened a little fast. Typically I thought sex was safest and best after some months of dating. Anyway with him, although it happened only 3-4 weeks later, he made me feel safe and secure. I didn't feel used.

He's been with tons of women in his life, he's very handsome so women swarm to him easy. And he doesn't necessarily fight them off sternly (which he said has ended many relationships of his in the past cos the gfs got very jealous). I've noticed there'll always be some lady or another casually referring to him as babe or sweetie (the usual pet names). So it's so hard to take him seriously when I see that. It didn't used to bother me before because I believed I knew exactly where we stood but now with these new developments, I'm so lost. Can I trust it or not? Can I allow myself to let go and feel the way I'd like to believe he may feel about me? Cos I kinda have my guard up just in case it's a flake. Why is he being this way NOW? I feel like he may be talking to other girls the way he does me - but I just can't tell! He was a player once upon a time. haha...help.

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