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How to not let my personal issues affect relationship?

Published on December 17, 2012 by ashlie1216

I have had an eating disorder for three years now. I'm slowly recovering but constantly tell myself I'm fat and gross when I'm not. Im 5'5 and 120lbs. I just feel like I'm not sexy and I have very little confidence. I realize its starting to affect my relationship, I'm constantly worrying about my weight and my bf just tells me I look good, but I dont feel like it. He wants me to have confidence, but I feel like I always look gross and fat and I dont have confidence... what can I do? How can I accept and love myself?

ANSWERS

First off, please realize that 120 lbs is a perfectly normal and healthy weight for a women.

Second, there are only two people besides yourself whose opinion about your body matters - your doctor and your lover. If they're both happy with it, to hell with whatever anyone else but they and you think.

If you’re naked and smiling for your man, he’s not thinking, “Ewe, gross – cellulite!” He’s thinking, “YES – thank you, God! Papa’s gonna get laid!”

If you’ve got some body parts that jiggle, he wants to see what activities you’ll join him in to make them jiggle even faster (and then jiggle again a few minutes later once he’s caught his breath and is ready for a second go).

If you had a body as slim as you think yours ought to be, most guys who see you would be thinking, “That girl needs to eat something!”

Most men like you to be on top, and ALL men want you to leave the lights on when making love – that’s because they like what they’re seeing.

If we have any complaint about your bodies, it’s that you don’t let us play with them NEARLY enough.

The number one thing a man finds attractive about a women in bed is ENTHUSIASM. He doesn’t care if you’re a blond; he doesn’t care if you’ve got a set of DD’s; he doesn’t care that you have a flat belly; he doesn’t care what dress size you wear. What matters to him is that you’re in his bed, that it’s precisely where you want to be, and that it’s specifically because of HIM that you are excited to be there. The best compliment you can ever pay him is to have a good time while you’re there.

If you can think “I’m unattractive”, while at the same time fighting off a husband who can’t keep his hands off you, you need to have your head examined!

First of all, you should never have to do anything you are uncomfortable doing. Period. I don't know what he means by wanting you to have more confidence, just make sure that you are not giving in to sexual pressure of any kind, under any circumstances, for any reason (not even "love"). When we are in the midst of an eating disorder or other serious personal issues (like depression, recent break-up, etc), it is best to focus on our own strength. Asking your question here is a first step, but it will require that you actively seek one-on-one or group help, ASAP. Eating disorders are no joke, and the least of your worries is one bf who wants you to be more of something. Instead, be more proactive about getting well. That will take time and effort, working with a professional on a regular basis. You'll be surprised how little you'll have to worry about the bf once you're healed.

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