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How do I end this FWB thing once and for all?

Published on April 30, 2013 by pink.sweetay

I've known this guy for about 5 years. And we've been fwb for almost 2 yrs. The first year, it started off good, but then after a couple of months I started to develop feelings for him. I had already liked this guy way before we had sex, but those feelings came back. Anyway, he was my first. So, my the middle of the year, I started liking him, and I told him, and he said he liked me too but he didn't want to be in a relationship because he didn't wanna fight and ruin this, and I agreed. But somewhere deep inside, I still wanted him to be my bf no matter what. We used to talk about everything, and sometimes hang out without having sex, and we also fought alot. We then went like a month or two without talking, which helped me sort of move on. And then we recently started having sex again. This time, unprotected, but I'm on the pill so whatever. Anyway, this time it's different, we don't talk AT ALL. I mean we've texted a couple of times about stuff other than sex, but still. It's like we're total strangers to each other now. We used to hang out after sex, and cuddle and stuff. And now it's just sex, then back home, or wherever we're going. I mean, in a way, I'm glad because that won't make me like him again, but....lately i've been thinking about him a lot, and wanting to call him or text him. But i DON'T of course. I don't know what to do, I mean we've stopped talking to each other many MANY times before, and either him or i end up looking for each other again and it's the same thing. I guess I still care about him a little. But I don't know how to stop this. I don't want to keep just having sex, but I don't want him out of my life forever either. Does this make sense? I don't know what to do anymore.

ANSWERS

Friends with benefits where feelings develop is always tricky. The worst part is, it isn't like a Hollywood movie where everything works out in the end and the two friends end up falling in love. Often, if one person develops romantic feelings, the other will not reciprocate.

In your case, it seems as if your friends strictly wanted the relationship to be sexual outside of your friendship. In addition, from the way you described the on and off relationship, it seems like it is a never ending cycle of no talking, sex, no talking, sex. If it has happened many times before, chances are it is likely to happen again.

It seems that you are tired of just experiencing the sexual part of this relationship. If he does not feel the same way and you two are going to fall back into a typical pattern of friends with benefits and then no talking for a few months, perhaps it is best to let this friendship go or at least cool down for a while and use the opportunity to figure out what you want in a sexual partner.

Well here are some points I picked up. You said you guys fought a lot. which means its possible that you ALLOWED your feelings to get involved and take precedent over just keeping it sexual. Let me translate this: NSA means "NO STRINGS ATTACHED". It is awkward if your the one who(for lack of a better term) "CAUGHT FEELINGS", yet, you have to separate the two and maybe that's why he doesn't want to have a relationship with you on YOUR TERMS. Certain personality types clash but when its purely sexual people are known to tolerate others for that sole reason, and its nothing personal unless you caught feelings(which it appears you have). If that happens then you need to accept reality that you have a bruised ego. Also, the person is trying to distant himself from you because you may be "unconscious" that your coming off as needy or suffocating; he seems like he's trying to ween you off of that idea that there will be anything serious EVER...I just say we all have confused great sex with love and when the other person just sees it as sex you got to pump the brakes and either just find you a serious commitment because in hindsight he may like the fact that your POSSIBLY seeing other people so that way he doesn't have to take you serious, and you should look at it both ways

Honey, you got one guy, you can do it again. Drop this guy like a day old turd and start dating.

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