Go for it or let it go?

Published on May 20, 2009 by clueless122

Chris and I are both freshmen in college. I started liking him last fall. We really hit it off - similar interests, sense of humor, and values. The problem is that he is still caught up with this girl he liked back home. I knew this sort of early on, so I pushed it aside and even dated other people, but I still keep coming back to it. We are both music majors, so we see each other all the time, and we frequently hang out. I'm frustrated because we have such great chemistry. To me and everyone else that knows us, it's obvious that we would be an awesome couple. My friends are constantly asking when the wedding is.
Now it's summer, and he's back home (3 hours away) trying to win this girl over. : \

What should I do!?

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On May 20, 2009, lyz said:

The unfortunate part of a relationship is that is has to be mutual :) Really, if he's not into it it's not going to happen. But don't let your friends tell you what's right and wrong. When I was in college, I had everyone telling me this one guy would be PERFECT for me to date. 3 months into the relationship, it was anything but perfect and when we broke up everyone thought I was horrible. Dating by democracy sucks. Don't let that affect you. Bottom line: if he isn't pursuing a relationship, there won't be one.

I would suggest that you talk to him. Find a way to express how you feel. Maybe he doesn't know. But odds are, he's too enamored with this other girl. I'm sorry. Sometimes boys are idiots.

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On May 20, 2009, qverb said:

I agree with Lyz. Forget about what your friends are saying. Its your life and you need to decide and act upon whats best for you. That being said, if he is all about this girl from back home then you don't really have a chance until he has done what he needs to there, which means that you may never have a chance. If you really feel that strongly for him and haven't told him then you need to do so. He won't see it while his mind is on little miss hometown. There is one other part to this though. Have you decided that you can risk losing his friendship with this? Lets say you tell him but that he is still stuck on the girl from home...this now puts a different light on how he views your friendship. Depending on the type of guy he is, he may choose not continue being friends with you for any number of reasons, some of which may be that he does care about you as a friend but might feel that keeping that friendship would only hurt you in the long run, or he might feel that now you've brought that into the light that he can't just hang out with you because he'll just suspect that you are still trying to woo him. And are you still willing to be friends, and nothing more than that, if you tell him and he doesn't reciprocate? Can you not be resentful to him for liking someone else well before he met you? Can you respect his desire to be with this other girl and be nothing more than a friend to him?

In these situations I've always made my desires known. I can still maintain the frienship if things don't go my way, but for me I look at it as "at least I tried and won't have any regrets." Sometimes the friendship lasts, sometimes it fades away. This is your choice and gives you some more to think about.

But like Lyz says, he needs to want this as well. Just because your friends think you both are the perfect match doesn't mean that it'll happen that way.

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