On February 1, 2013, goddessjeanetta said:
Is it a sense of closure or a clean slate you are seeking? The truth is that with or without a legal divorce, our past relationships are never completely wiped out as if they never happened. But that is not always a bad thing. We all have “stuff” from our past that could possibly come up to haunt us. However, often times we learn things from our relationships that make us a better person and a better partner. My suggestion would be, before you say another word to your boyfriend on this subject, first do some soul searching. Ask yourself a few questions, without any self judgment, but with the intention of clarity. Why is it so important to YOU that he file for divorce first, before you two take the next step? What needs or values do you have that would not be fulfilled or honored? Do you perhaps have any fears or concerns that his marriage may not really be 100% over? Do you harbor any insecurities that, even though they are not speaking to one another now, that he may secretly be hoping for a reunion with her at some point? Could it be that on some level you suspect that he may be using his paper marriage as a way to avoid getting closer to you? Is it kind of an emotional and / or legal housekeeping issue, or perhaps a matter of integrity? Do you feel a moral sense of impropriety, moving in with a man who is still legally married to someone else? Do you value the sanctity of marriage? Do you have any concerns that, if he does not sign the divorce papers prior to moving in with you that this may mean he does not take marriage or commitment very seriously? Once you are honest with yourself about the reason or reasons why you want him to file for divorce prior to you two moving in together, then it will be much easier for you to communicate your needs and values to him in a way that he can hear you. Instead of merely asking him (in what might be a perceived as a passive aggressive manor) if he has file for divorce or not, you can tell him from the heart why this is important to you, and why this needs to be addressed for your peace of mind, prior to the two of you moving in together.
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On February 1, 2013, bigheart15 said:
Stop dating him until he finally gets divorced. 4 months is a short time to make sure that what you feel is true love, especially since you are the other woman. I honestly don't think he will move in with you if he gets a divorce. I know its hard to control your feelings but you shouldn't date a married man. I'm a wife going through that and it doesnt matter how bad the marriage is, we do not deserve that.
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On March 29, 2013, mlegacy23 said:
First off, I don't think you should be involved with someone who is married even if the marriage is heading for divorce. Tell him you're not going seeing again until he files for divorce period. If refuses to do so, you'll know that he's not serious about divorcing his wife and that your just the other woman.
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