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Getting over a break up

Published on May 17, 2013 by dino0579

The man I was dating for a year broke up with me not due to how we got along, which was great. He lives in the past, his divorce which happened nearly 18 years ago plagued our relationship which was the first one he had in 13years. He is emotionally closed off but did show emotion. When he did ,he would back off, start fights, say that I said things or done things that I never did. We fixed it. He said he never wanted to remarry, I was ok with that, because I do not want to marry later in life anyway. That was settled I believed months ago, only to bring it up again insisting I wanted more, and broke up with me because I asked why I never received flowers from him. He was or did fall in love and that scared him, that is why I believe he acted in the way that he did. He crated an image of coldness only to show warmth and to pull back then only to forward again. Is he truly incapable of a relationship, because I really loved his damaged self, I was there too, he gave me my heart back after being alone for over 11 years only to destroy it himself. What should I do?

ANSWERS

He will never get over his old relationship. I sympathize with him. There is nothing that you can do, other than to treat him as dysfunctional, which he is. Drop all contact with him. Tell him that you want a man, not a wuss. He will either come up with it or not. Get ready to move on to a healthy relationship. This one is not it.

If you were being facetious yet manipulative when asking why he didn't ever buy your flowers then he should have been irritated and slightly pissed off if he already told you what type of association he needed from you. He was honest enough to say please don't bring B.S. his way. Now if you decided to test the waters you pushed him away and you could possibly lose any progress forward you've made. I just think its disingenuous your trying to play like maybe he's too damaged and you need advise, or he's incapable of a relationship. FYI- some of us men let out heart fall in love one time only; We do the marriage thing, spend a arm and a leg making some woman happy and do everything we are supposed to do bu some women try to take men's kindness for weakness and once we are out of that marriage we vow never to love that BLINDLY again where we just say "Yes DEAR" to keep her happy all the while we are not happy. He appears to have felt like you were trying to "train" him like his wife did and that rhetorical game you played may have scared him away. If I were you i wouldn't press people buttons just to get a response and if you want to date other men who can offer you more just do that, but just don't prod,pry, and be calculating in terms of trying to get him to share when he's just not ready. Your trying to force him to say he loves you or show some feeling comparable to his ex wife and its never gonna happen the way your trying to force his hand

Dino needs things from a relationship and she is not getting them from this guy. The time for recriminations is past. Move on.

Some women place themselves in a position to be a "Booty call or sexual release for men" then when THEY feel they want to be more to the man- all of a sudden they start trying to be pastor,counselor,Dr. Ruth, and Dr. Phil- all the while forgetting the man already told you what he was willing to give. P.S. Just because your having great sex and intimacy doesn't give anyone the right to try to instruct men how to love,who to love and when to show their love. I believe that if this woman was sincere she could broach the conversation of healing, invite him to church, ask if he would like counseling or be interested and also provide books and or reading materials or be supportive to say she would go to self help groups and do the research and provide them. Unfortunately, she didn't share any of this which means her approach was intentional, and deliberate. He don't owe her nothing but sex - if she wants more than why one finger at him when the other four point back at her? If she is staying with a guy who has a broken heart and she likes damaged men who she think she can nurse back to help with her "brand" of passive aggressive innuendo- cheers to her, but she should recognize however old she is she will always be a booty call, and if she had somewhere to go she would have been gone

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