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Do i stay or do i go?

Published on December 28, 2012 by lostbattle

My boyfriend(31 yrs old) and i have been living at his mothers house for the past two years now, and well we just had a baby boy. Well his mother and I don't get along. Why? I don't know but we don't. For the most part since i moved in she stopped doing grocery shopping, everything i bought she ate before we could even get to it. Whenever she seen me on the phone she would just start talking to me as if i was not even on the phone, to me that is just disrespectful. There's been times where i've heard her on the phone talking to his sister about me saying "I just want her to go, but i want him to stay"....it's just lots of things and I find myself very unhappy and stressed. When i bring it up to my boyfriend about moving which always ends up turning into an argument he says his plan is to save to buy a house when he finishes school which is in another two years. And that we argue so much why should we move not like things will get better but yet and still he knows the main problem is his mom and us being here and how when we move i'll just find something else to argue about. To me that sounds like his family is not worth it. I just don't know what to do because i want us to be all together but at the same time i find myself unhappy not persay with him but with our living situation. At the moment i'm not working so he sees it as i have no say. I was thinking once i do my taxes and find a job to get my own place and whenever he decided to get move out and want his family we'll be together but as far as being in his mothers house i cant do it anymore.

ANSWERS

I think the mother sees that you don't have a job so you're just a lag in her plan. Of course the parent will always welcome the child who is in need, but not so much the spouse/girl/boyfriend. She probably wants to blame his problems on your and to make matters worse, you two have a child.

My answer is in the best interest of the child here. Do you have family you can stay with? Ones who wouldn't mind you helping around the house and not charge you rent or help with babysitting while you're out to work? If so, make plans to move (you and your child) with these relatives. Save up enough money for 7 months rent (Most places require first month and deposit which is usually the same as the rent, and six months of rent just for security) this way, your bills won't be some numerous and you can save the the other six months during the six months you have paid off. Try to find a place that offers some amenities, if not all, and that would be better.

If your boyfriend cares enough, he'll come back for you once he's financially stable. He will also help you while you are trying to do better for yourself and your child.

I hope this helps.

I do have relatives but they don't live in the state. I live in Florida and well they live in New York. It's so hard to make that decision moving out of the state when you have a child but at the end of the day i know i need to think about myself and my child and whats best even though i don't want to take his son away from him. But hes left me with no choice. I think it'll be better for me to go to my relatives so that way i don't have to pay rent and i'll be able to save more money.

First off, a man who is living in his mother's house (at 31 years old!?!) and can't provide for a family should not be starting one. He sounds like he seriously needs to be kicked out of the nest.

However, he HAS started a family, which means he must grow up, make some hard choices, and become a responsible man, husband (?), and father. If that means he has to take two jobs at low pay and go to school at night, so be it - a real man does what he has to do. He needs to get you and his child (HIS family) into a place of your own (even if it's a tiny apartment) and take care of you. He can't feel like a man inside until he's doing that. Be supportive of him in doing the right thing (because it WILL be hard, and he will need the encouragement to remind him that it's all worth it).

His mother may or may not come around and become accepting of you (though it's not a sure thing - it is common enough for a wife and her mother in-law to never get along). The turning point could be when she sees the improvements in him as he finally grows up and becomes a responsible man. Right now she sees you as a parasite holding him back. If she sees you as being the woman behind these improvements, she may come to accept and value you for it.

If he won't man-up, you need to do what's best for you and your baby, because he's sure not going to do it. That may well mean moving back to New York to be near your family and support. If he wants to stay involved in his child's life, don't shut him out - your son needs his father in his life.

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