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divorce and hurting

Published on April 20, 2013 by tiaravivi24

my husband ask me for a divorce he says he fell out of love and then brings up stuff from the past so i filed its processing now the divorce so i ask him do you want to work things out what do you want to do he said just be friends but when i filed the divorce he didnt response to the summons so basicually im going thru this divorce by myself i just want to know why does he want to be friends i dont want to it hurts to bad to be his friend after he left me with his daugther and while i was pregnant with his son i need some advice he also comes around me for sex or to go places with him like to the doctor why cant he just leave me alone im hurting way to much i just really need advice plez help

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You need to put on your big girl panties and tell him to stay away he is the one who said he wanted a divorce and that he didn't love you anymore and yes it hurts but right now he gets the benefits of being married but no commitment to you and that should hurt worse that your letting him do that to you and the only time you should/will talk to him or see him is when it has something to do with the children and when he wants sex tell him no thank you my new friend would get upset. And because we are getting a divorce remember you said you don't love me anymore so I found someone who does and that going places with you is for your wife or girlfriend not me.

You conveniently got amnesia when you mentioned the "things of the past" that I assume showed what you did but now we are left to assume your PART in the breakdown of the marriage. I wouldn't play mind games as suggested by the previous advise to lie about you having a new boyfriend or use his girlfriends or alleged lovers as a conversation peace. Its negative and Rhetorical and usually goes no where. From a mans perspective , I am asking that you look on the bright side, he may want you to know that even though he wants to be friends and he didn't respond to the summons it doesn't mean he is forced to. you already know why and that pertains to "the stuff from the past" and possibly he has no trust for you or you lack the remorse for things you done as well. Or maybe you have never been able to forgive him entirely and the previous advise up above gives inference that that is possibly what you have been doing over and over bringing up the past and asking where the other women are. When you write a one sided description it is really hard to help you find closure which i don't think your looking for. what I can answers just because a man wants a separation and to be friends doesn't mean he can shirk his responsibilities as a co-parent. He is being civil and acting like an adult to consider going to doctors appointments etc because that signifies a man of character regardless of the past. in my opinion your being a hypocrite because you want something to complain about and he's giving you nothing. You liked his stand up guy qualities that's why you married him, that doesn't mean he's goin to be your door mat so you can walk over him and abuse him, I would just be thankful that he is giving you your space so you can complain and see that someone else will have him since your ungrateful and un-thankful and you can always see something wrong or act like the victim. Now if he finally stops coming around then you will turn into an evil witch and tell the children he don't love them. I don't see you happy either way. Call on Jesus! for sometimes we can ask for things and really not want them once we get them. whether he really wants sex from you or not is not dependent on you complying to his request and surely he has other means with other women. You will have to work thru your pain and be civil and it appears you can have it both ways

Dear Tiaravivi24,

I truly hear the amount of pain you’re in and I’m sorry this is happening to you. Going through a divorce, raising two children and feeling like you have to do it all on your own is very very hard. Your pain is also very understandable because you were hoping for so much more.

I hear that it hurts too bad to be his friend and to continue to have sex with him. The hurt you’re feeling is partially caused because right now he’s the one setting all of the boundaries. To create a different outcome in your life it’s imperative that you get support around setting and maintaining some of your own boundaries.

Working with someone to establish your comfort level around what you will and won’t do with him and then a creating a plan to make this happen will help you feel more in control of your life and also help with the amount of hurt you’re feeling.

This is a terrible way for you and your children to live. I’m so proud of you for reaching out for help. It’s certainly time for a better life for you and your children.

Please let me know if you’d like my assistance. Wishing you the best.

Coach Christine

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