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Craigslist Personals, where do I go from here.
My husband & I have been married for 13 years & we have a 12 year old son together.nTo say the least our marriage has been a roller coaster with more downs than ups. My husband devoloped a gambling addiction in our second year of marriage & the lying, broken promises & deciet nearly cost us our marriage & is still a stressor in the relationship. If that isnt devastating enough, over the last 3 years I have found that my husband has subscribed to & had profiles on different Casual Encounters Dating Web sites. The first time I caught him, he reluctantly admitted it & said he was curious to see what those sites were about. Now I am 45 years old & not young & nieve & I knew there was more to it but I decided to choose my battles & at the time it just wasnt a battle I was ready to fight & he agreed to delete the profiles. Now, more recently within the last 3 weeks I have caught my husband test messaging a married friend of mine innappropriately, althought he deleted his text massages, my girlfriends husband saw them on her phone & contacted me. I read the test messages that came from his phone & dispite her denying his advances, he continued to persue her. Dispite what was in front of my face he has continued to deny that he sent the messages, says someone used his phone & it wasnt him. If that isnt insulting & disrespectful enough now I have caught him responding to a "Craigslist Casual Encounters Personal" ad for sex & dispite the proof in hand he is completely denying that as well. Says someone hacked his email & sent the reply & even discribed him accurately. I am so devastated & hurt & dont know where to turn. I am not stupid & like I said, I am 45 years old & we have been married 13 years so this isnt something that I am willing to give up on & start over but if he wont admit to doing these things how can I look forward to resolving the issue & even begin to forgive or get past it? My self image has been crushed, I feel I have been disrespected & decieved. To add to it all, I am having vivid nightmares & I wake up sobbing nearly every morning & I have been having panic/anxiety attacks that feel like my chest is being crushed & I cant breathe. My doctor prescribed xanax & I suffer from uncontrolled high blood pressure. I know I cannot go on like this & I know I cannot let this go. He wont consider counseling because "he has done nothing wrong". Where do I go from here? I feel like my world has crashed down around me without the means for picking up the pieces. I have found several different websites where people are going through the same thing so I know I am not alone. The only difference is that thier husbands were man enough to own up to what they have done & accept responsibility for thier actions, get counceling & move forward, whereas mine is not. I welcome any advise or direction. Dispite my husband, I will be seeking counceling for myself. Thank you for taking the time to read.