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Breakups

Published on January 25, 2014 by sharonkk

I have lived with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years and he has not touched me for the last three years, not a hug, a kiss or hold my hand. He has a heart condition and in the beginning he said that was why we stopped having sex however he still wanted me to perform oral sex on him. I went along with this for a little while hoping he would reciprocate in some way. When it became obvious this was not going to happen I stopped trying to please him. I do everything for him, cook, clean and pick up after him. I have told him countless times how unhappy I am yet he says he doesn't understand what the problem is. Just recently I decided it was time to move on and now he says he wants to work on fixing the problems we have. We are both 58 years old and I just don't know what to do.

ANSWERS

One of my favorite definitions of codependence is, "I won't leave what MIGHT work." Girlfriend, this situation is NOT working for you! And it is not working for him either! As a Your Tango Expert (www.yourtango.com/experts/sheva) one of the things I write about in my articles as well as in my book www.beingthesourceoflove.com is the difference between mature and immature love. Think of immature love as infantile- babies need their parents to do everything for them and cannot do anything themselves. As we mature, our sense of fulfillment and satisfaction evolves from being spoon fed and given everything, to being providers that give to others. In mature love, we feel the most engaged and alive when we are giving love. The purpose of relationships is to give us contexts in which to give love, not just get it. We all want to be who we came here to be in relationships. The way to make your man really happy? Call him to be a man and show you what he has to give you to satisfy you! Sounds to me like your boyfriend got quite a scare with his health condition, and has reverted to an immature love in which he is letting you mother him rather than ravishing you as his lover. As a doctor of Oriental Medicine and a specialist in the field of heart/brain research, I work with clients who have heart conditions all the time and can tell you that it is not uncommon for people when they have a cardiac diagnosis to revert to immature love out of fear that their condition will get worse if they do too much. However, research has shown that engaging in acts of care and kindness actually regenerates the heart and maximizes its efficiency! You and your boyfriend both need to know that you catering to his every need, whim and desire is NOT good for his heart- physically or emotionally. And it sounds to me like you both need some expert coaching and some education to understand his condition better to help turn this around. Here is a place where you can access a half hour expert coaching call free- http://heartmastery.com/free-30-minute-heartmastery-personal-consultation And here's to the healing that awaits BOTH of your hearts!

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