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Breaking up with my BF...again
So, here's the deal, I am a 30 year old F. My bf- I will call him John- (40 year old M) and I have quite a rocky history. We dated for 8 months and sex was good although sometimes he couldn't maintain an erection, especially early on. I found gay porn on his computer, which kinda freaked me out. This led to a really painful break up in which I immediately started dating another guy and ended up breaking both of their hearts because I realized the new guy was a rebound. I felt really bad and realize my actions were not ok. During 6 months, we didn't communicate, but I missed John terribly and do care for him a lot, so we started things back up in January. He has been having ED constantly though. I have encouraged him to see a dr. but he hasn't been to quick to try and remedy the situation. Also, he's gained some weight, and I find I'm not as attracted to him physically. I feel like our sex life is pretty vanilla, even when he does get hard, and I worry that I am not going to be sexually fulfilled. I feel like an idiot though because I have already future talked so much with John- told him how great it would be to have a family together, to travel, spend our lives with each other. I know he loves me and I know he wants to have a future with me. But now, I am feeling resentful that he's not even taking initiative to work on his ED and worried that even if his ED is corrected, that we don't have the really good sexual chemistry I would like...In some ways, I am already backing out of the relationship but don't want to do that to him. I don't want to hurt him, but I need him to understand that I love and care about him but we may not be sexually compatible. I'm worried he'll get angry, turn on me, turn his friends on me, etc. Help!