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Boyfriend dilema/ Im so unhappy/ please help
Hi everyone, please can anyone give me some advice, been with my bf for 5yrs, we are 45 and 47yrs old, both been married and divorced before. The problem is we cant seem to stop arguing or to agree on anything. The arguments always starts with me having issues about the relationship, the problem is, my bf is not honest with me, we live together and I am the one who has to think about every aspects of running the household, he works I don't know how much he earns, he never discussed his finances with me, I feel he is hiding something from me, yet I am open about everything with him, my bf behaves like he doesn't care about the relationship yet at time he will tell me he loves me so much, yet he does things to annoy me and when I want to discuss a topic of concern regarding the relationship he makes it like im a fool and walks away from the discussion. lately we have not been talking at all, ive stopped doing anything for him, like washing his clothes/cooking etc...and he refuses to wash his own clothes, saying he contributes to the household and expect his washings to be done. past few weeks he goes to bed and turns his back from me and not eve say a word to me, its really draining me as I want to talk about our problems yet he refuses and remain silent on me, its always been like this with him, 5yrs the same, I am the one who has to sort out everything in the relationship, we rarely spend time together as a couple, I feel really alone and even my family is telling me im better off on my own. I don't know if I really love him or if im just scared to be on my own after 5yrs of being in this relationship. I have had 2 other failed relationships after my divorce prior to this one. I once spoke to his ex wife some months ago and she tells me that he use to behave the same way with her and it affected her life so much she got depressed. She divorced him after 19yrs of marriage now shes remarried. Yet he told me his exwife cheated on him,she was useless and he had to run the household.
I feel sad and very stressed. He was off this weekend and he didn't care to include me in any of his plans, he went to his mum yesterday and stayed there for the night. Im so frustrated, my behavior has changed those past few years, from calm to anger that I break things and shout at him to try and get some attention. I don't know if ive let him walk all over me for too long and ive been too nice with him, and now he takes me for granted? Hes even thrown in my face after an argument that I have no dignity to let him stay in my life and complain im not happy Yet whenever we break up and he comes back he is the nicest guy ever, he will do anything, but only for a few days, then he goes back to the same scenario all over again. My teenage son whos living with me has noticed all of this and hes telling me im wasting my time as the guy does not care for me. I have stopped having sex with him for months now as I just don't have the energy from all this problem,I don't sleep well at night and feel very unhappy because whatever I will tell him something he will not even acknowledge and he will accuse me of looking for problems when there is nothing wrong. My main worry is why he hides things from me when we live as a couple, all his financial documents are kept at his mums house, hes got just a few items of clothing at my house, most of his things are by his mum, whenever we argue he goes back there and tells his family that ive kicked him out and that I am dramatic and that hes the victim. My bf would be ok if I never question him about anything, I provide and look after his needs and run the household, he just goes to work, come home, he will help me when he feels like it, otherwise he just chill..he gives a little housekeeping money each month and no further questions. At the moment my self esteem is very low, ive stopped doing things I use to enjoy, I feel sad and most of the time I try to block things from my mind. My background is, Im a very hard working person, I recently build my own home, run my small business, been married and divorced with 4 grown up children, one teenage son lives at home and works in my business. My bf is not even supportive in what I do, its like he is against anything that is positive in my life.Dont know if its because ive done well and im very independent,honestly I don't know whats his problem. Please give me some advice cause at this moment im not thinking clearly.
many thanks and sorry for long post.