Photo: dean drobot / shutterstock
Trust = lust.
By drcoreyallan — Written on Mar 25, 2021
There are countless articles and websites filled with information on how to seduce your wife. There are techniques, tips, and advice from all manner of sources.
So what is it about sex, especially in marriage, that we struggle with so much? And why does it always seem as if everyone else is having better sex?
The truth is, they're probably not. They're likely grappling with the same sexual issues you are.
Those who are truly experiencing the best sex are typically further along in years, or further along in their relationship.
So take heart. Relax. There's plenty of time to get there.
But sexual satisfaction in marriage won't happen by chance.
It's amazing to me that sex can create such incredible emotional connections and orgasmic ecstasy, while at the same time it can just as easily create profound isolation, loneliness, and shame.
It all boils down to this: Sex is much more than an act. It's a metaphor.
Many married men timidly approach sex with their wives. From initiation to the actual sex act, men often fall victim to the "do what worked last time" philosophy.
They look and hope for ways to have sex with their wives without bringing up the subject, or they go through their day trying not to upset her out of fear she won't want to have sex later.
The problem with this is that they're not really taking charge of their life, or of their relationship.
The biggest mistake husbands make is in believing that women like the same things they do. Sorry fellas, but reaching over in the morning and grabbing a breast — while seemingly a fairly clear signal to you — is usually not a way to ignite her passion; nor is it foreplay.
How a woman feels when she is with a man is the primary factor in whether or not she experiences attraction and desire. And what she wants to feel is trust.
For most women: trust = lust.
If a woman loses interest in sex with you, my guess is that you haven't given her a reason to trust you, or that you've killed whatever trust she once had.
So how do you develop and maintain a high degree of trust in marriage and get your wife in the mood for love? Basically, through your strength, your presence, your confidence, and your integrity.
Learn how to seduce your wife step by step and earn the sex life you're dreaming of.
1. Play to your masculine traits.
There's a reason people consider males the stronger of the two genders. A man is often expected to provide protection, support, and physical power. He's expected to work hard, sweat, do the heavy lifting, and to stick to it when times get tough.
A woman likes a man with sexual experience. Play to these masculine strengths.
2. Be present in your relationship.
Your wife's willingness to have sex is deeply dependent upon this. If you are 100 percent present when you are with her, it will satisfy her and make her feel loved.
On a side note, I believe that you should focus 100 percent of your sexual energy on the relationship. Spending any percentage of it elsewhere leads down the slippery slope to breaking your partner's trust.
3. Know who you are and exude confidence.
Men and women are different creatures. Women are by nature security-seeking creatures, so a man's confidence is a major turn-on.
When a man approaches a woman with confidence, she experiences the same chemical reaction in her brain (a release of both dopamine and norepinephrine) that a man experiences when a woman lifts up her shirt and shows him her breasts.
When seducing a woman, it's best to exude this kind of confidence so she will be more attracted to you, and by "confidence," I don't mean "machismo." I'm referring to the type of man who knows who he is (and who he isn't). At the other end of the spectrum, men who are anxious, passive, and eager to please exude anything but confidence.
Looking for a surefire way to kill the passion in your marriage? Become the passive, conflict-avoiding, eager-to-please nice guy who only wants to make his wife "happy."
4. Act with integrity towards your wife.
The ability to consistently act with integrity is crucial in maintaining a deep sexual bond with your wife. This means that you always tell the truth, keep your word, follow through and have good boundaries.
5. Surprise her with your own plans.
This isn't about controlling a woman; it's about giving her a choice. Coming home in the evening and asking, "What do you want to do tonight?" is one of the worst things you can do. Instead, walk in the door and say, "Get dressed and get ready to go to dinner by 7:00."
Give her an option: either following your lead or proposing an alternative. Don't leave everything up to her.
How do I approach my wife in bed?
These same principles apply to the bedroom as well. As a man, when you are present and share your mind, heart, humor, intellect, imagination, words, strength, and even your dark side with your wife, you open her up to the fullness of your being.
As she joins you in this state of openness and opens herself up to you, she will take you places you can't take yourself.
More for You:
Corey Allan is a husband, father, author, speaker, as well as a Marriage and Family Therapist and a Licensed Professional Counselor with a Ph.D. in Family Therapy. Find out more on his website.