10 Weird Things Men Do, And Why They Do It, According To Psychology
Is he even interested in you?
Dean Drobot | Canva Guys can do the most puzzling things. Those things that make you go "Huh?!", lose sleep over, and ultimately call in your troop of girls to figure out. From phonophobia to in-your-face flirting and post-intimacy snoozing, here, ten of the most common man mysteries cracked to give you the dish on why guys do the idiotic things they do.
Here are 10 weird things men do, and why they do it:
1. He texts all the time but never calls
Sure, his texts brighten your day, and you'd miss them if they disappeared, but it would be nice to get a call every once in a while, too. Doesn't seem like much to ask for, does it?!
Well, there are two reasons your man is a phone-a-phobe. Most likely — he just hates the phone. You'd be hard-pressed to find a guy who wants to chat about your day's drama — your awful co-workers, your BFF's sad breakup, and so on.
He'd rather spend his time working, sleeping, drinking, and playing Mario Kart with his friends. The other explanation for his text obsessive behavior is that there is someone in his life that he doesn't want listening in on your convo.
Could be a boss, a roommate, a nosy mom, or worse case, a current girlfriend. In either circumstance, texting gets the job done (engages you enough and allows for logistical planning) and if you aren't putting your foot down about it, he has no incentive to change his behavior.
2. He acts differently (i.e. distant) around his friends than when it is just the two of you
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When it is the two of you, your man is a living, breathing Valentine card — pure mush, but as soon as you two walk into guy's turf he barely acts like he knows you — at best you get a high five. Guys innately want to be one of the pack and oftentimes girlfriends ruin that.
People often act differently around different groups of people due to a combination of factors, including social norms, desire for acceptance, self-presentation, and the level of trust they have with each group. A recent study found that someone might act differently around their close friends than you because they feel less pressure to maintain a specific image with their familiar friends while potentially wanting to impress you more.
Sure in theory the guy with the girlfriend is the luckiest because he's the one who isn’t cold and lonely at night but having a smoochy girlfriend hanging on him at the sports bar significantly decreases his macho cred. It simply is not cool for his friends to see him stroke your hair, whisper sweet nothings and Eskimo kiss you — rest assured if he does, when he hits the locker room later, he is going to get razzed pretty badly.
3. You've been intimate for a while, but he never stays through the night
Not much beats waking up to a warm, cuddly guy but yours keeps bolting like a thief in the night. Unless your bed is supremely uncomfortable, you snore like a freight train or he has some other reasonable excuse for vanishing (and no — I like to floss in my own bathroom doesn't cut it), chances are if he isn't staying to see the sun come up with you, he might have intimacy and/or commitment issues, or you have been relegated to booty call status.
Either way, this is a guy who doesn't want to deal with tomorrow. He wants to be in his own bed. He wants freedom. He doesn’t want to spoon, go out to brunch in the morning, or potentially be pressured into spending the whole next day with you — those are all things women crave, but men, not so much, unless they really like you.
4. He said, "I love you, but I’m not in love with you."
Hearing these words sting and confuse the heart like no other sentiment. Sugarcoating aside, any way you cut it, this statement translates to "You are completely amazing, but you are not the girl for me."
Relationship coach Brad Browning explained the saying, "While it can be a sign of trouble in your relationship—and it may not be what you wanted to hear—this statement isn't always a bad thing." It might not be something anyone wants to hear, but it could also indicate that "you have a shot at fixing things before it's too late."
It could be coming from a guy who used to be in love with you but isn't any longer or it could be from a guy who has put you permanently in the friend zone, regardless of if you have been intimate or not.
5. The less interest you show in him, the more he wants to be with you
It feels like you are reliving third grade all over again. You pay attention to him — he ignores you; you don't, and he can't get enough!
This is a classic case of immature game-playing coming from a guy who enjoys the chase of dating more than the idea of an actual relationship which offers little opportunity to win or to lose. Baked into this type of guy's being is the thrill of the pursuit — it gives him a high of power and if you play into it, well you are playing his game. Show him zero interest though and eventually he will find another opponent because it is no fun to play against yourself.
6. He flirts with other women...in front of you
His ace flirting skills may be just the thing that scored your interest but seeing him perform in front of you on other women has you steaming mad... and rightfully so! This man mystery can occur for a few reasons depending on the guy and his intent.
First, he could just be a disrespectful pig, who is well, just not that into you and is scouting alternatives right there in front of you. If that's not the case, he may possibly be trying to make you jealous.
He wants you to know that you aren't his only option — that you need to stay on your toes. Further, this could be his subversive way of showing you that you aren't paying him enough attention.
Finally, he might not be flirting at all and maybe you are just being paranoid. The thing is he could just be a friendly guy and just because you are dating him, although he needs to be respectful of your feelings and needs, doesn't mean he has to stop being friendly.
Men might flirt with others in front of their partners for a variety of reasons, including low self-esteem seeking validation, a need for attention, insecurity about the relationship, a desire to test their partner's jealousy, or simply a natural tendency to be social and flirtatious, sometimes without malicious intent. A 2022 study published in Evolutionary Psychology found that the level of flirtation, the situation, and the individual's overall behavior are crucial factors in interpreting their intentions.
7. He won't stop for directions
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You've been lost for an hour but your man swears he knows where he is going. Despite your bubbling aggravation, he refuses to stop for directions.
This one universally applies to men because universally, men don't like to be one-upped by other men, especially around their lady. If he pulls over to ask someone else for directions, you might see the other guy as smarter. Caveman-like indeed, but you can’t really blame him for wanting to impress you — his heart is in the right place, even if his ego isn't.
8. He doesn't know what to do/say when you are upset
There they are — your guts all over the floor. As you reach for a tissue to wipe away your runny mascara and some words of comfort or advice from your man, you receive a blank stare in return.
Did he hear a word of what you just said? It isn't that he wasn't listening, doesn't have anything to say, or doesn't care, he is likely afraid of saying the wrong thing and you, as a result, getting upset with him.
Findings from a 2021 study published in Frontiers in Psychology suggest that it often indicates a combination of feeling overwhelmed by emotions, a lack of emotional vocabulary or coping mechanisms to respond appropriately, and potentially a fear of saying the wrong thing and making the situation worse.
This fear can stem from personal insecurities or past experiences with communication difficulties in relationships. Some people might not have developed the necessary emotional vocabulary to accurately express empathy or understanding when confronted with someone's distress, leading to feeling at a loss for words.
Most guys aren't as confident in expressing feelings or offering advice as women are but rather solve problems logically. The last thing he wants to do when you are vulnerable is disappoint you by offering the wrong words.
9. He acts as if he likes you so much, but he never actually asks you out
All signals point to him liking you — he pays you compliments, makes an effort to be where you are, and all your friends swear he is into you but he seems to be stuck at a yellow light when it comes to making his move. If you've ruled out him being married or otherwise committed to someone else, chances are this guy is just a wuss.
He simply can't get up the nerve to ask you out. He might be inexperienced with women, shy, intimidated by you, or misinformed as to your single status.
10. He falls asleep after intimacy
So you want to snuggle, talk, go for round two — do anything but pass out, but your guy always falls asleep! Well simply, when man was made, he was made flawed in this respect.
According to biological anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher, our brains have evolved over millennia to create deep feelings of attachment after intimacy. Three main brain chemicals work to bring long-term couples closer together after intercourse: oxytocin, vasopressin—known as the attachment hormones—and dopamine, the reward chemical. Relationship coach Hadley Earabino stated not to take his post-intimacy nap because "he liked being intimate with you so much that he's completely knocked out."
Due to this variety of biochemical and evolutionary reasons — both direct and indirect — a guy actually can't control his level of sleepiness post-intimacy, so it is nothing to take personally. Just be happy he doesn't fall asleep during intimacy — in a recent study 48 percent of men admitted that they had at least once before!
Tristan Coopersmith is a dating coach and therapist who has been featured on several radio shows including Dr. Drew’s Loveline and in many print and online publications such as Glamour, Cosmopolitan, Woman’s Day, JDate, AOL, and more.