Advice: My Husband Checks Out Other Women
How to deal with your husband's straying eyes.
Do your husband's eyes stray too much? Dr. Diana Kirschner reveals some tips to keep his attention on you.
Give advice or see what others had to say here: My husband looks at other women...
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Featuring Love and Dating Expert Dr. Diana Kirschner http://www.lovein90days.com
Discussion
Well I think Dr Kirschner's advise is partially true in the sense that you need to take responsibility for what you have attracted into your life. However, taking responsibility can come in many different forms and you can take responsibility for having attracted this man in the first place but you do not have to take responsibility for his lack of respect and poor levels of self control. I imagine you have low self esteem and your husband is doing a wonderful job of lowering it. If you have low self esteem it is very difficult to do what this "expert" is recommending. A better place to start is to take a journey into self and discover what it is about you that is attracting these situations to you. If you can change the way you feel inside your outer world will follow suit. The way this looks is limitless - if you raise your vibration your husband will begin to find you more attractive and pay you the attention you deserve, or you may realize that you have made a poor choice marrying him and leave to find someone who really appreciates you, or you may be able to learn how to communicate your needs to him and you can both work towards a deeper level of intimacy ...However it may look - the main point I am making is yes you do need to take responsibility for you life and create a healthier relationship with yourself - your outer world will reflect your healthier inner world soon enough
Need some help - www.megamorphosis.com.au
In Light
Nicole x
What a bunch of freakin losers....
Woman, if you were attractive, your man (or any man) will look at you. If he is looking at other woman while you are right there,it means he finds other woman to be more attractive than you. Plain and simple... why is it so difficult to understand.
and all women do the same. so don't play the gender card.
LOL
This woman's advice is ridiculous. In her world, ALL men have no responsibility for their actions and are on a par with the lowest creature slithering on the earth. I've only been out with ONE man who looked at other women and he did it in a way that it was such a production that I broke up with him about a week later. I didn't get upset or try to get him to "change" or answer to my needs. I simply told him he wasn't ready to be in a serious relationship and I would be selling myself short if I were to waste my precious time on someone who hasn't evolved past his loins.
Also, why is it - once again - the woman's responsibility to make sure the man is behaving in an adult manner. Presumably, he is a grown-up too and just as capable of taking responsibility for HIS actions as well? What if the actions were turned around, ie; SHE were ogling other men and he was being embarrassed by HER actions?
Would he hang around and put up with it? One has to wonder.
If this man isn't mature enough to give his wife just a drop of dignified behaviour then he isn't ready to be married to one woman forever.
A man - or woman - noticing the beauty in others is bound to happen as long as the person has a pulse but taking it to the point of being disrespectful to their spouse is inexcusable AND it has NOTHING to do with "feminism" - it is just common courtesy, dignity and respect for others.
The woman who has asked the question can take the advice of the "expert" in this video or she can "give as good as she gets" and very simply mimic HIS behaviour and see how long it takes for her childish husband to come running to try to get HER attention.
When you're dealing with children, then sometimes, holding the mirror up in front of them works a hell of a lot better than working so hard to get their attention.
The reason why the advice from the woman in the video won't work is because he married HER and no amount of her changing her "look" is going to make him see her differently. She has made herself "too available" and now she must plant the fear of her leaving HIM if she wants him to respond.
He married HER.
I agree, it is completely normal for men to check out other women. Women who expect their husbands or partners to only have eyes for them are the ones that are immature. Men, as with any other mammal, respond to a womans turn on. It's nature, they can't NOT do it. With this in mind, getting more of his attention is easy. Feel good about yourself and let him feel you feeling good about him, liking him, enjoying him, and enjoying good feelings in your body and being "turned on" and his attention will naturally be on you. Get pissed off at him, blame him, pout or throw a fit and guess what, he's going to start paying attention to the brunette over at the bar that looks like she's nice and willing to have some fun. It's up to you to either blame biology or use it to your own advantage, but please stop whining.
I could not disagree more. I think it actually insults men to say that "they just can't help themselves" and it isn't a woman's fault if her man doesn't pay attention to her. I know a lot of lovely beautiful women whose husbands cheated on them repeatedly. It's not about biology, its about selfishness.
Frankly, I wouldn't marry a man who couldn't keep his eyes to himself. I expect my man to have as much self control around other women as I do around other men. That's not immature, that's equality.
This husband sounds very immature and inconsiderate. As a marriage and family therapist for many years, though, I know that that most likely isn't the whole story. Given this is only the first year of a marriage, I would suggest you and your husband do all you can to stay connected by being nicer to each other than to anyone else in the world. Take a look at "A Short Guide to a Happy Marriage" and try putting the behaviors I suggest into action. If he's not willing to work a little I would quickly get to a therapist for some help! Good luck ...
Well... as an intimacy coach my view is that while "wandering" behavior in men may be biological, if the man has the awareness to check in with himself, notice but not linger, and be fully present with his woman then he moves beyond the reptilian (less evolved) part of the brain. I choose a more evolved man who is aware of a woman's feelings.
I agree with Dr. Kirschner's assertive approach to this "problem"..
Believe me..I have the husband with the retained "cave man" genes and immaturity to prove it.
Some things that I would ask though..How long did she know/go out with her husband before they were married, because the "only one year" thing throws the reaction askew. The passive agressive ending statement is hopefully not the way she's handling it, because most things passive agressive..just blow up. More questions...where is he doing this..exactly how long does he do it without getting noticed or flipped off? What exactly is "ignoring" to her..I'm not sure..
