Grandma Sends An Invoice For $475.50 For Her Granddaughter's Weekend Visit — Despite The Mom Already Paying $300 For Expenses
We're all struggling to stay afloat, but is it right to ask family members for monetary assistance?
Ulza / Shutterstock There's no question that times are tough right now. So-called "greedflation" has made food and everything else more expensive than it should be, utilities are through the roof, and gas is highway robbery.
But are we struggling to the point that we'd send a bill for a relative's visit? That's a yes, at least for one woman.
A grandma sent an invoice for her granddaughter's visit, sending the girl's mom a bill for a whopping $475.50.
You're probably thinking that this has to be a case of mother-in-law vs. daughter-in-law pettiness. Maybe there's been a divorce that has made the vitriol boil over and grandma is twisting the knife, right? Wrong.
The grandmother sent the invoice to her own daughter. (And you thought your mom was passive-aggressive.)
The mom wrote into the Washington Post's "Ask Amy" column wondering how to go about handling the situation when her mother demanded nearly $500 in reimbursements for a recent weekend visit with her grandmother. She's certainly not the first to do it, as the video below shows.
But given the details of the invoice, as well as the grandma and mom's recent dynamics, she is certainly among the most audacious to demand recompense for a visit with her own family, and it's left her daughter slack-jawed.
She had already sent her mom $300 for expenses before the grandma sent an invoice for her granddaughter’s visit — and had previously housed her.
It's not like the little girl's mom has been taking advantage. "I sent a check for $300 to my mother to cover my daughter’s expenses during her visit," the mom wrote to "Ask Amy." Nevertheless, the mom received "an itemized bill" for everything her daughter and her grandma did together.
"My mother sent me an invoice for $475.50 for additional expenses," she said, "including the cost of gas to and from the airport to transport her... train tickets to go to the city to a museum and the cost of the museum admission."
But it's not just her mom's refusal to "respect boundaries — like a $300 budget" that has the little girl's mom seeing red.
"This is hurtful, as this past winter my mother came to live with us for four months and we paid for everything," she went on to say, "including a nice vacation to an island over Christmas." She was doubly perturbed because, she added, "we have never asked her to pay for anything," even going so far as to "write her a check for groceries when she hosts Thanksgiving dinner."
Unsurprisingly, she went on to reveal that her other siblings have gone no contact with their mom "because she is petty."
"How do I address her behavior?" the woman went on to ask the titular Amy. "I am hurt and angry [and] feel she has taken advantage of my generosity, and I don’t trust her to spend time with my daughter because it is just too costly for me (financially and emotionally)."
The mom was advised to confront her mother about the invoice, and to think long and hard about future visits between grandma and granddaughter.
"You are going to have to express your concern directly to your mother," Amy advised. "Your daughter's trip to see Grammy has cost you (I'm estimating) around $1,000" — which puts the the situation in a whole other light.
Amy went on to wonder if the grandmother's pettiness was actually manipulation. "Is this itemized bill her passive-aggressive way of telling you that she doesn’t actually want to host your daughter for such a long visit?" she asked.
There's no question that this is a deeply toxic parent-child relationship. And, according to psychologists, using money to manipulate situations involving their grandchildren is a key sign that your toxic parent has turned into a narcissistic grandparent.
In the end, Amy recommended setting some firm boundaries similar to advice therapists give.
"After you communicate your questions and concerns to your mother, you will have to make the tough decision about future visits," Amy wrote. "Because your mother seems to communicate through monetizing relationships, you’ll simply have to decide whether this relationship between grandmother and granddaughter is one you can afford to foster."
Sounds like the cost of this grandparent-granddaughter relationship might just be a bit too high.
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice and human interest topics.