Woman Accused Of Being 'Manipulative' After Sharing The Hack She Uses To Shame Men For Not Paying On The First Date
"It is a gift to a man to allow him to take care of you.”
Static Media / Shutterstock Who should pay on a first date is quite a controversial question. Should the man always pick up the bill? Should you go Dutch? According to a 2019 study, 63% of men surveyed believe that men should pay on a first date, and 46% of women agree.
Pearl Botts, a social media influencer, singer and songwriter, certainly agrees. She posted a video on TikTok giving advice regarding what to do when a man wants to go 50-50 on a date.
But, over the last few days, Botts has been getting backlash on her advice about guilt-tripping a man to pay for your dinner.
Botts is accused of being ‘manipulative’ after showing her viewers how to shame men for not paying on the first date.
In her video, Botts is seen sitting in her car acting out a scenario that she imagines someone doing after being asked to split the bill. “When a man wants to go 50-50 with you, you do this,” Bott says.
“Oh my god, I’m so embarrassed right now… you wanted to just be friends?" Botts says, feigning shock. "I am so confused. This whole entire time I thought it was a date… I’m so sorry, here is my card.”
Some commenters appreciated her advice, even providing their own responses to men who want to pay half.
"I've definitely hit them with 'I'm glad we were both thinking the same thing, we should definitely just be friends,'" one user wrote. Another recommended saying, “We could’ve gone somewhere more in budget for you!”
While some women agreed with Botts, she received a lot of backlash. Some claimed that if a man wants to go 50-50 on a date, he is not interested anyway. Others accused her of disrespecting men for not paying.
"You are literally strangers on the first date," one user commented. "Pay for what you order." Another wrote, "If the woman expects to not pay, then there is no second date. If she offers to pay then chances are I would offer to pay for it anyway."
Botts started calling out the haters and explained her reasoning for the video. She responded with a video to a comment that says, “I work… I can pay my diner… especially on a first date when you don’t know the other person."
Botts explains that she lives by the rule of making the man pay on a first date because if you allow the man to pay, you allow his masculinity to shine.
“It is disrespectful and emasculating to the man to pay for yourself on a date,” Botts claims. “When you let a man have the great honor of taking care of you, you’re making space and giving room for him to step into his divine masculine.”
While some argue that Botts is diminishing strong women into thinking they need a man in order to go out to dinner, Botts disagrees. “It has nothing to do with my own capability to provide and protect for myself," she says. "It is a gift to a man to allow him to take care of you.”
Botts doubled down on her stance in a third video. “Going 50-50 with a man is not equal,” Botts says. “We live in a culture and society that benefits men, specifically when it comes to finances.”
Botts isn't entirely wrong. According to Pew Research Center, women in 2020 earned 84% of what their male counterparts earned.
“Given the obstacles that women have to overcome — that men have probably no idea that we even do — paying for a date that he initiated is (1) hot, and (2) the least he could do,” Botts says.
While shaming men may not be the answer to navigating the dating world, there's no doubt that at least some parts of Botts' videos rings true: first dates are where women can gain the upperhand, even for a few hours.
Lauren Reams is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news.