6 Legit Reasons To Call Off Your Wedding
Having cold feet isn't a good enough reason to call off a wedding. These reasons are.
Tymonko Galyna / Shutterstock It's an all-too-common scenario. There you are, still reeling from your whirlwind romance and even more whirlwind wedding planning. The invitations have long been sent out, travel plans made, cake ordered, non-refundable deposits deposited...
When suddenly, you have this nagging, gut feeling that it's just not the right thing to do. Something is telling you to call off the wedding. But is it simply cold feet? Or is it something more? Should you call off your wedding?
Most engaged couples experience some level of nervousness and last-minute questioning about whether or not it's right, whether or not he's the one, whether or not you both have what it takes to be in it for the long haul. Just because you have cold feet is not a good enough reason to call off the wedding — but the following reasons are:
6 Legit Reasons To Call Off Your Wedding
1. You're hoping he'll change.
You already know you don't share the same values but you think he'll "come around" once you're hitched. Maybe he wants to keep partying with the old gang and you're ready for the white picket fence. Or you see onesies and flushable diapers in your future and he doesn't want to have kids.
Even when you want the same things, marriage is a rough road, fraught with the ups and downs and curveballs that you're just not expecting. But if you're going into it thinking "opposites attract," "we'll work it out," "he'll settle down once we're married," well, you're definitely in for more downs than ups.
2. You need counseling before you're married.
Let's face it, you're not even in the "honeymoon period" yet, which is purportedly utter bliss. If your relationship is on the rocks before the big day, plan on the very likely fact it will just get worse once the vows are exchanged.
Planning a wedding is stressful and there are bound to be disagreements but if you can't work through conflicts in a reasonable fashion now, how do you think you'll be able to work through them when you're facing the difficult challenges of running a household, raising a family, building a life? If you're expecting your irreconcilable differences to magically disappear once you're married, you're living in a world of illusion.
3. You haven't discussed the details yet.
Many people think talking too much about the future is just so, well... unromantic. They're afraid of putting a damper on the excitement and losing the abdominal butterflies.
But the reality is that more couples split due to issues over children — not just whether or not you want any (that one is usually covered) — but how will you raise them? Public school, Private school, homeschool? Heavy-handed or gentle?
And then there are the career questions — will you move for each other? Does following your passion and living your dreams trump a high salary and the lifestyle that comes with it? These are all questions that need to be answered and if you don't know the answers yet, then you had better find them out before you answer "I do".
4. You haven't lived through all four seasons together.
We all know once you hit adulthood a year races by in what seems like an instant, so if you aren't entering into your fifth season with him then you just haven't spent enough time getting to know each other yet.
You're talking about spending a lifetime together — why not wait just one short year before tying the knot? If you're so in the throes of new love that you just can't wait, then by all means get engaged but take at least a year to plan the wedding. You'll be glad you did.
5. You're doing it for the wrong reasons.
If you're marrying him because of pressure from your family or friends or because on paper he seems like such a catch but in your heart you know you're just not feeling it for him, then it's the wrong thing to do. If you're hoping you'll grow to love him, it might happen but it's a longshot. Better to hold off until those seeds of love have actually sprouted.
6. He's already cheated on you.
If he's already put himself into the cheater category, it's more than likely going to happen again. The only thing that's going to change is your view of reality.
The truth is, if the relationship is right, then postponing the wedding won't change anything and your love for each other will only grow stronger. When the statistics keep screaming at us that around 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, make sure you're giving yourself the best possible chance to land in the half of couples that stay together for the long haul.
Even if Uncle Harry and Aunt Fiona from England have already bought their plane tickets, it's better to break it off now than go through with it just because you don't want to upset anyone. They'll forgive you. Even if they don't, it's better than suffering through a nasty divorce, or worse, a lifetime of misery with the wrong person.
Jane Garapick is a dating coach. To get started on your own personal journey to true love, download Jane's complimentary guide.