How To Ask A Guy Out (Without Sounding Totally Desperate)
Just be cool bro.
getty images There's not much that makes a girl break out in nervous sweats like asking a guy out.
For decades we never had this kind of pressure. It’s a relatively new stressor, and we need to cut ourselves some slack.
Asking someone out is tough and can breed more anxiety than some of us are personally cut out for. But that’s only if we make it a big deal.
We only freak out when we start thinking too much about the future and the possibility of rejection.
If we just toned things down like 10 (or 100) notches, we’d see that asking a guy out really isn’t that scary.
How to ask a guy out: six simple tips
1. Don't overthink it.
First, you need to remind yourself that he’s just a person. Just some dude you find slightly attractive and maybe want to get to know. He doesn’t determine your self-worth, and whether or not he likes you doesn't have to impact your self-esteem.
Go repeat that into a mirror about 40 times, listen to some empowering songs, and chill.
2. Evaluate the situation.
Consider the reason why you want to ask him out. Has he made any attempt at all to ask you out? Are there any clues that suggest he’d be interested in a date with you?
It’s important to be realistic. Is this a cute guy you met through a friend who seemed really eager to sit next to you at dinner? Or is it a guy you hooked up with after three patron shots last Thursday who has failed to text you back?
Because some situations are definitely more date-friendly than others.
So after you’ve analyzed what’s going on — not overanalyzed, mind you — and you’ve decided that a date seems pretty likely, how do you proceed?
3. Be upfront about what you're asking.
Don’t tiptoe around what you want. If you to hang out with a guy, just ask him to hang out.
4. Have a casual date idea in mind.
The best way to do so is to just casually ask him to come with you to something. Plan on going bar hopping with your friends this weekend? Invite him along! Boat day Saturday? Bring him!
The more casual the setting, the easier it is to get to know someone. Because really, you don’t know this guy yet. He’s just cute and you think you may be into it.
No need to get all worked up about it.
5. Be prepared for rejection.
Unfortunately, there is always a chance that the guy you're into turns down a date. It may not even have anything to do with you. For example, maybe he's already in a relationship or is focused on his career right now.
Regardless, rejection is never fun and that's why it's so hard to put yourself out there.
To mitigate the hurt, be prepared to walk away from the situation while still holding your head high. Deal with the rejection with grace, appreciate him being forward with you instead of leading you on, and be proud of yourself for being brave enough to make the first move.
6. Don't overthink it.
The pressure is off, and there are no huge expectations. You both can relax and see if there’s something there.
So next time you get all caught up about asking a guy out on a “date,” don’t.
Ask him to do something fun. See if he’s worth freaking out over first before you start freaking out.
Emily Blackwood is a freelance writer who covers pop culture, true crime, dating, relationships, and everything in between.