8 Dating Mistakes That Secretly Reveal You're Not Ready For Love
You might be looking for love, but you're also repelling it.
YAKOBCHUK VIACHESLAV / Shutterstock It’s easy to wonder if there is really something wrong with you when you’re watching your friends and family get happily coupled up but you somehow still find yourself being single.
You can't help but ask yourself, "why am I single?"
As it turns out, despite the way you feel, you may not be ready for love or a relationship.
However, the good news is that the reasons for this are changeable and fluid.
Thankfully, it’s uncommon for anyone to be completely hopeless or have the sexual attraction level of a bridge troll.
There is always hope when it comes to looking for love and finding it! You won't be single for life!
8 Dating Mistakes That Secretly Reveal You're Not Ready For Love
1. You’re too busy
There really is such a thing as being too busy to find love.
If you’re breaking records at work and have family and hobbies competing for the remaining hours of the day, it’s not a stretch that the few minutes you have left to connect with someone just might not be enough.
Also, it’s possible that in your past relationships, you didn’t quite have enough time to nurture someone. If all of your exes complained that you never made time for them, this might be you.
2. You cut dates off too soon
Are you the kind of dater who drags herself out on a date only to wait until the moment where the other person says the wrong thing before you bolt into the night?
It sounds extreme, but this used to be me.
Often cutting people off fast is a defense mechanism or a sign that you aren’t ready to date after your last relationship. Whatever the reason, force yourself to see out the opportunity, and at least try to enjoy the date.
After all, there is another human being in front of you who just might be interesting, even if they aren’t "the one" or a complete match for you.
If you at least have a good time, the two hours aren’t a waste of time. Also, giving them a chance gives them the opportunity to surprise you. This is a good thing.
3. You’re too picky
Do you have a mile-long list of requirements for a mate?
Having standards is essential and I encourage people to make a list of what they want in a mate but to stop at 5 non-negotiable internal traits.
That means that kindness, integrity, and intelligence could (and should) go on the list, but "perfect butt" and "has a cool million in the bank" should get the ax.
Internal traits are the nutrition-rich power-food of potential mate selection. Wanting external stuff will keep you single. You’ll know if there isn’t chemistry, and chemistry is important.
However, be mindful of whether you have gotten stuck on exterior things that don’t really get to the heart of finding someone great.
4. You’re a little rough around the edges
Have you given up on basic grooming? Do you think that your raggedy jean shorts and turtle necks from 1996 are still cool?
Force yourself to upgrade your look. Ask a good friend to tell you the truth about your style. Smooth out your rough edges a little bit and you’ll be instantly more attractive to the opposite sex.
If you really want to get polished, have a professional do a closet makeover.
While we’re doing our daily routine, often we start to get complacent about looking nice and making an effort. Take a little bit of time to evaluate what kind of person your look might attract. Your love life will thank you for it.
5. You’re not over your ex
If you aren’t quite over your ex, it’s possible that you are driving away potential matches with your heartbroken energy.
The scent of recent heartbreak on a potential match is palpable, it has a feel that others can sense.
A healthy person to date won’t want to get into a relationship with someone who isn’t over someone else. So, if you’re struggling to get over your ex, take some time to get over it.
6. You refuse to look
While it’s true that sometimes love can find you when you aren’t looking, it really does help if you’re open to doing some of your own legwork.
The mindset that someone will fall on you in the grocery store when you least expect it could keep you single for a really long time.
If this is you, force yourself to start an online dating profile or at least go shopping at peak hours!
7. You’re unwilling to take a good hard look at yourself
I might take some heat for mentioning this, but often, the reason that wonderful people stay single is the staunch belief that they are "unwilling to change" to find a mate.
Sure, you should absolutely be able to "be yourself" with the right person, but if you lead with your quirks, in the beginning, you might scare people off.
Remember that in the beginning, while you’re dating, the other person hasn’t gotten to know you well enough to have much to go by. This means that any quirks will be magnified.
Expose your weirdness in stages. Your love life will thank you for it.
8. You truly haven’t met the right person
This is the most common reason why you are still single. The path to finding love isn’t linear. Often, we go through our love lives making mistakes, having highs and lows, and trying out new people.
People don’t always think of dating and relationships as a skill, but there is definitely time and skill involved.
Sometimes, people are ready for love and to be in a relationship. They know how to date and do everything right but the right person just hasn’t shown up yet.
Elizabeth Stone is an author, relationship coach, and founder of Attract The One.