Woman Who Had An Affair Explains How Most Infidelity Starts With 'The Same Story'
She pointed out that most people who have affairs are only thinking and feeling one thing.
LightField Studios / Shutterstock Infidelity can often be a somewhat nuanced experience despite how people regard it; it's sometimes not just about betrayal but also about the complexities that exist within romantic partnerships, individual motivations, and emotional dynamics.
However, an affair recovery content creator named Rece, who had an affair herself, revealed the common denominator that exists within most relationships that go through one individual or both having an affair.
She shared how most infidelity starts with 'the same story.'
"Affairs operate in complete fantasy and a lot of delusions. The vast majority of people who end up in long-term affairs think their story is different. They believe that they are actually experiencing true love, a soulmate situation," Rece began in her video. However, that's not always the case. Actually, it's pretty rare if it is.
There's an illusion and desire around the idea of sneaking behind your partner's back and seeing someone else. There's a sense of danger at the prospect of being caught and the glee at finally feeling passion for someone else that probably didn't exist in the marriage or long-term relationship that you've left.
Rece, who had an affair herself, insisted that she understood this feeling but warned people that these delusions only exist in their minds. In fact, data has found that only 5% of people who cheat end up marrying their affair partner.
Rece explained that these delusions have been manifesting in a person's head for quite some time, whether it's that co-worker you've been partnered with or the best friend you've had for years — you've tricked yourself into thinking you know them inside and out, maybe even better than your actual partner.
"When we start to get into an affair, our adrenaline and dopamine and serotonin go crazy in our brains. You produce the same amount as cocaine, so you feel much better," she continued. It's almost as if you've been put under a spell, and you tell yourself, because you know this person you're having an affair with remarkably well, that your story is different. It won't end in flames, and this was the person you were supposed to be with this entire time.
It's such a selfish and reckless act that ends up hurting more people than a person has probably intended. Despite that temporary high and euphoria, the consequences of having an affair mean ruining the life of the person whom someone has previously committed.
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Until you're in an exclusive relationship with someone, you don't know if your story is different.
It's one thing to have an affair and sneak around with someone, whether that's in hotel rooms, traveling to different countries, or even going to their home. Still, it's another to actually be in a relationship with someone. Living with them day in and day out, seeing all of their habits and flaws, taking off those rose-colored glasses, and seeing someone for who they really are.
People often tell themselves that they already know all of these minute details about the other person, but they don't.
"You might not see and recognize the true red flags of the relationship because the dopamine and the adrenaline hide them," Rece said. "Affairs are linked to addiction. Many people who end up in an affair will willingly give up their relationship with their children, will start to distance themselves from any friends or family who tell them they're wrong."
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Until you go no contact or end the affair, you will not be able to view that delusion for what it truly is. More often than not, it's not true love but infatuation.
It's the feeling of happiness that someone else desires you and wants to be with you.
However, the best thing you can do for yourself is to end it and start working on yourself, whether that means looking at your attachment issues and the reason why commitment might be a scary prospect.
Only then will you be able to view relationships as something different and finally find the person you're meant to be with.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.