15 Habits That Signal A Partner Is Cheating And Can't Be Trusted, According To A Betrayed Spouse
Don't ignore these signs of a potential affair.
Liza Summer | Canva Contrary to popular opinion, infidelity doesn’t always have to spell the end of a marriage. Although it’s often extraordinarily difficult to repair the damage, there’s no question that many couples succeed in doing so.
So you don’t have to give up all hope if you’ve found signs that your spouse is cheating. If both partners are willing to put in the work, the damage of infidelity can be repaired.
If your husband or wife has betrayed you, the choice of whether or not to stay in the marriage is entirely up to you. Whatever you decide, we only want to provide guidance and support.
That’s why we’ve prepared this helpful list of signs to watch out for that are obvious when a spouse is cheating. This will help you interpret your unfaithful spouse’s behavior in a way that’s useful to you and the healing of your marriage.
There's hope if you want to remain together after infidelity. According to research conducted by Divorce Magazine,60–75% of couples who experience infidelity remain together.
Here are 15 habits that signal a partner is cheating and can't be trusted:
1. They've become distant
They’re closed off or are unwilling to discuss marital issues as they come up.
2. Their guard is up
They become defensive easily, especially in response to questions about what they’ve been doing.
3. They're moody
They vacillate between being irritable with you and doting on you in a way that seems forced, insincere, or excessive.
4. They seem to be hiding something
They seem consistently nervous or secretive and won’t reveal the source of their discomfort openly.
5. They're spending more time with their digital devices
They’re consistently preoccupied with their phone, computer, or other devices — and you know it’s for sneaky reasons.
They could be on an online dating app. According to statistics from Stanford Medicine researchers, almost 63% of Tinder users are either in a relationship or married. Yikes.
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6. They're acting suspiciously with their phone
They start closing windows quickly or getting angry if you come near them.
Do be careful with this one, however, as some people are simply more private than others and it might be nothing to worry about.
7. Their search history is always recently deleted
You notice they’ve started deleting their search engine or browser histories for no apparent reason.
Don’t go snooping around trying to find this out, but if they’ve already given you a reason to wonder, this could be another sketchy behavior.
8. They keep their weekend or evening plans vague
When they do provide details about their future or past activities, they consistently go overboard by giving an excess of unimportant information.
9. They're giving too much information
When someone is lying, they often give extra details to be more convincing.
10. They've become inexplicably vain
They develop a sudden and inexplicable increase of interest in their appearance.
11. Their wardrobe has been upgraded
They start dressing up and wearing cologne or perfume every evening and it’s not something they’d normally do, there might be a reason for suspicion.
12. Their emotions are inconsistent
They suddenly become dreamy, distracted, or giddy for no apparent reason.
13. They aren't there for you
They’re suddenly not as present for you as they’ve typically been in the past, especially for activities you always used to share or during difficult moments.
14. They're acting cocky
One of the things that fuels infidelity is a sense of entitlement. A cheating partner can come to believe that they deserve to have an affair.
You can’t expect the cheating to stop if this sense of entitlement doesn’t start to disappear. If your cheating partner lacks an overall sense of humility, it might be a sign they haven’t outgrown this hurtful quality.
15. Things just feel off
Hopefully, you’ve processed your feelings of betrayal enough to make sure that your judgment is sound, but if something consistently seems off or unsatisfying about your cheating spouse’s behavior, then there might be a good reason that is the case.
Remember that every marriage is different.
You have to be careful with that last one because unfounded accusations can do tremendous damage to the recovery of your marriage, but you have a right to be concerned if these feelings come up with any regularity.
Remember that these are simply guidelines, not a set of hard and fast rules that apply in every single case. Don’t be alarmed if one or two of these signs pop up from time to time and don’t go looking for evidence where there isn’t any.
If we look for something hard enough, we’re probably going to find it whether it’s there or not, so do everyone a favor and stay as objective as possible.
Although suspicion and mistrust are perfectly normal reactions to infidelity, don’t drive yourself crazy with obsessive worry or nosiness. Using the signs we’ve listed as possible indicators, just listen to what your cheating partner is saying through their behavior and respond accordingly.
The signs of infidelity are there — if you know where to look.
You don’t have to give up on your marriage if your partner has been unfaithful. But you do have to be careful. Without becoming domineering or forever mistrustful, you have to pay attention to the signals that your cheating partner is sending and communicating to you.
People reveal who they are through their actions, but only as long as we’re listening to what they have to say.
It’s perfectly natural to be vigilant about your partner’s behavior after experiencing the pain of infidelity. It’s also a smart thing to do.
As long you can maintain a certain amount of vigilance without being hurtful or obsessive, paying attention to the signs your partner sends will be beneficial.
C. Mellie Smith is a relationship and infidelity expert who uses her expertise to offer programs and tools to help other couples dealing with infidelity.