How To Keep A Broken Heart From Breaking You, According To A World-Famous Psychologist
There is no shortcut, but if you give up one simple thing, you will heal.
TikTok / Anetlanda - Shutterstock Breakups are one of the most painful experiences you can have in life, especially when you expect the relationship to last forever. It can take months or even years to finally move past the heartbreak you feel from the separation.
There are no shortcuts or even objectively right and wrong ways to heal and move on with your life — but according to world-famous psychologist, Guy Winch, there is something you can do to recover after having your heart broken.
In a video uploaded to the Ted Talks TikTok account in late 2022, Guy explains that “our hearts might sometimes be broken, but we don’t have to break with them.”
Here's what Dr. Winch says is the key to not letting a broken heart break us.
The 2017 Ted Talk entitled “How to fix a broken heart” started with Winch telling viewers that “Getting over heartbreak is not a journey. It’s a fight and your reason is your strongest weapon”. He went on to say that no explanation for the breakup will satisfy you.
According to Winch, there is no rationale that will ease your pain, so looking for one is a waste of time. If happen to be looking for something that gives you closure, he offers two ways of making it make sense to yourself.
Two ways to make a breakup make sense, according to Dr. Guy Winch
1. Accept the reason you were given for the breakup
The first way of moving past the situation is to simply accept the explanation you were offered for the breakup. Toiling over what could possibly have gone wrong is fruitless. You’ll have no real way of knowing if the reason you were provided is authentic or just lip service, so why invest any more energy in thinking about it?
2. Make up a reason for the heartbreak that you can live with
When you don’t have all the answers, the best option is to come up with one that you find acceptable and that allows you to put the issue to bed and open yourself up to new experiences and new people. Hanging onto the relationship until you have a definitive answer—one you may never get—is of no benefit to you.
Resist the closure addiction
After experiencing heartbreak, Winch says, “You need to closure to resist the addiction” — referencing the obsession with the "why" of how your relationship ended. That question can linger in the back of your mind for an extended period of time, keeping you in a suspended state of heartbreak.
After giving yourself the necessary closure, Winch tells viewers that you must be willing to let go of the situation. “Accept that it’s over. Otherwise, your mind will feed on your hope and set you back. Hope can be very destructive when your heart is broken,” he explains.
The psychologist acknowledges that moving past heartbreak is not an easy feat. “It’s difficult. It is a battle within your own mind, and you have to be diligent to win. But you do have weapons. You can fight and you will heal,” he assured them, as he closed his Ted Talk.
All your life, you’ve probably heard people tell others to “keep the faith” during trying times. But the one thing that you truly need to give up in order to overcome heartbreak is hope. Accept that the relationship has ended, and it is time to close that door and open new ones with manifestations of your deepest desires behind them.
Heartbreak has a negative impact on your overall health.
Having your heartbroken is more than an intrusive inconvenience. It can literally kill you if you allow it to. Changes in your eating habits leading to weight loss or gain, anxiety, depression, and reduced motivation are just a few of the negative ways that heartbreak can show up in your physical body.
The physical symptoms brought on by heartbreak and the extreme emotions associated with it can be so severe that doctors have coined the term ‘broken heart syndrome’, a condition where there is so much stress on the heart, it causes chest pain and shortness of breath.
Pleasure and pain are a part of life and it’s impossible to have one without the other. You might experience several heartbreaks in your lifetime. What’s important is not what knocked you down, but what inspired you to get back up.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington. She covers lifestyle, relationship, and human-interest stories that readers can relate to and that bring social issues to the forefront for discussion.